


Our Time Together

by ApocalypseKeeper



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Dark, Forced Orgasm, Fucked Up, M/M, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:54:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21609388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApocalypseKeeper/pseuds/ApocalypseKeeper
Summary: What Dante does to Siddiq in the barn and the relationship that follows.
Relationships: Dante/Siddiq (Walking Dead: Hilltop)
Comments: 57
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

The Walking Dead

Dante stood at the tree line, watching his target with keen eyes. He’d left the convention alone, standing to be the easiest of the many they had to take today. He was standing by a stream, looking into the water. He glanced around once before he stripped out of his shirt. Dante bit his lower lip. Like most in the apocalypse, his muscles were molded and glistened in the heat. Dante couldn't stop himself from smiling when the man pulled off his pants. There was nothing else for him to take off. With his back turned to the whisperer, Dante got a full, indulgent view of his perfect ass. Dante couldn't stop the low groan that left his throat. The dark youth didn't seem to hear it, as he waded into the icy water. He kept his blade on, but otherwise he didn't seem concerned. It had been a long time since he was alone with someone so tasty looking. He knew alpha would, probably, frown on him indulging his desires. Normally, he'd be aloud to do whatever he pleased to whomever he wanted to, if they were too weak to fight him off, then they deserved it. Dante imagined the stranger would put up a real fight, but ultimately, Dante would win because he was bigger and stronger and he had other whisperers on his side. The reason he couldn't take him the way he wanted was because he simply didn't have time to enjoy himself. Alpha had a message to send and time was of the essence. All the others were in the shed. The dark skinned man was the last on the list.

Dante slithered through the underbrush, choosing each step carefully as to not alert his prey. The man swam around the water, obviously enjoying the cool liquid as it rolled over his body. Dante waited, not far from where he was, for him to finish. After about ten minutes, he stepped out of the water and walked over to his gear. Dante chose that moment to strike, pounding out of the underbrush to tackle the young man into the mud. He shouted in surprise, loudly, but was silent once he hit the ground, limp. For a moment, Dante feared he'd killed him, which would certainly piss Alpha off. It took him a second to realize that he was unconscious, the back of his head laying on a large rock. He was recovering quickly, eyes fluttering. Dante didn't waste time, he rolled the man over and pulled a bag over his head. Although he could have left him naked and no one would have cared, Dante felt the urge to protect his dignity and dressed him. Then he tied his hands behind his back and pulled a hood over his head. He was heavy but Dante was determined, he slung the stranger over his shoulder and carried him away from the stream. He hoped that Alpha chose to spare him.

Part 2 The Shed

He writhed in Dantes arms, trying with all the strength he had left to free himself, to protect himself from the sights he was being forced to witness.  
"Look" Alphas condescending tone called. Dante pulled his eyes open, leaning his head in close to take a deep inhale of his warm, sweaty skin. He felt his tongue pull, a habit he'd had for a long time.  
He wailed: "Please!" No one would be so silly as to imagine that his pleas would get through to the Alpha, but still. The last of his kin fell at the mans feet and Dante released him. He fell to his elbows and Dante stood, pulling him up so that his neck was free and bare for Alpha.  
"No." Alpha spoke softly. Alpha smiled. "You did well. You get to live." She patted his cheek and moved away, she glanced back only once: "Tie him to a tree at the base of the hill." She paused, a knowing smile stretched over her face. "Just... make sure he's there by sunrise." Permission. Dante grinned back at her, but she'd already stepped out of the building. Dante dropped him.. The man pushed himself away from the massacre and turned his head away. Dante walked to one of the barrels in the corner and sat, watching his captive. His eyes focused on the bodies around the room as they were drug out by various whisperers. Many of the heads had already reanimated and now made snapping sounds with their jaws.  
"Enid." The man reached out to one of the heads closest to him. Before he could pick her up, she was stolen away. He made a weak sound and drew his bound hands back to him. "What are you going to do with them? You can't leave them... like that."  
"Shh." Was the only response he got.  
"No, please-" Someone passing by hooking his gag with their finger and tugged it into his mouth. He glared at them but there was nothing he could do about it.

Once they were alone Dante stood and walked over to him. He watched the man with wary eyes. Dante knelt in front of him and smiled. It was still dark so the man couldn't make out any details about his face beneath the mask. Dante didn't know where he wanted to start, really. He already knew how delectable the man was under his clothes. His hands had a mind of themselves sliding over the captives bent knees. He tried to pull way but was trapped between the wall and the monster before him. Dante cupped his cheek and gently pried the gag from between his teeth.

"What do you want?" He asked, voice hoarse.  
"Name?" Dante whispered. The man frowned and looked him up and down.  
"S-" He swallowed and rolled his eyes upwards. "Its Siddiq. Whats your name?"  
"Sssidiq." Dante let the name roll out of his mouth. It tasted sweet. "Pretty." Dante licked his lips and leaned forward, focused on the others mouth.  
"Dont-" A meager protest before their lips met. Dante watched his eyes twist closed, lips pursing below Dante's. Siddiq tried to turn his head, so Dante grabbed him by the chin. He whimpered and Dante took advantage, sliding his tongue into the warm, wet opening.  
Dante pulled away once he was breathless: "Sweet." Dante muttered, more to himself than the panting man. Dante kissed him again, Siddiq turned his head at the last second and Dantes mouth slid across his cool cheek. Salty with sweat and blood, yet still, though his eyes shone with them, no tears. Dante moved his lips across the heated skin, over his cheek bones to the mans ear. Dantes hands squeezed the flesh beneath them, one on his thigh, the other on his waist. Dante pressed himself between his legs, feeling like he could almost become one with him. His own cock was hard, had been since Alpha had prompted him to hold Siddiqs eyes open. He rolled his hips against Siddiqs belly.  
"No." his voice almost sounded firm but the man could hear the exhausted tremble. Dante undid the clasp on his pants and then Siddiqs, angling down so that his cock slid across Siddiqs. "Please!" His voice hitched. He started to fight, as much as he could with his hands bound and Dantes full form laying across his legs.  
"Yes." Dante answered in an excited whisper, his hips jerking with anticipation. The first one was going to be quick but he knew that he had time to go at least twice, so he let the easy one go before he was even able to scurry into Siddiqs jeans.He groaned next the others ear and heard an anxious bubble of laughter work out of the mans’ chest. 

"You came, so...now... you... you will take me to the hill, like she said? Let me go home?" Desperation, fear, anticipation and some relief was written on his handsome face. Dante didn't answer him, they both knew that he had until sunrise, which was still at least a few hours off. Instead he stood and walked to the shed entrance. Siddiq watched him leave, there was only one exit and his captor blocked it. Siddiq shifted until he was standing. Then he ran, knocking into the others body, sending him sprawling. He shouted "Shit!" in surprise  
Dante recovered, catching his feet just before he fell. He barely spared a second, following the boy across the field. His undone pants quickly tripped him up and he flew to his belly and skid. 

Dante grabbed him by the ankle and drug him back to the shack. He was making a lot of noise.  
"Shut up." Dante kicked him in the belly and when that didn't work, he sent it into his balls. He writhed but couldn't gather the air to cry out again. He was kind enough to roll himself over to his belly and Dante planted his foot on his back to keep him from escaping again. He clicked his tongue, watching the way he wiggled. He had no way of knowing what kind of a show he was putting on for Dante, the way his ass jiggled, his thighs bounced and his back flexed, all that delicious brown skin, bloodied and bruised and just plain tasty. 

Dante's cock bobbed to attention.

Dante used his shoe to pry apart the mans’ cheeks, smiling at the hairy, winking hole that was revealed to him. This was his favorite seconds of raping someone. The moments before he actually did it, when he made them struggle to escape him and their body writhed and danced, just for him. He needed this. He knelt over him and grabbed ahold of the knot that kept his hands at bay. He ran his thumb over the taut, puckered hole. It had a palpable effect on the mans body. He stopped struggling, his full form shuddering against the thumb as it pierced his hole.

“Please!” He said the word again, knowing that it would do no good. His voice was giving in as his body was to follow: “I just want to go home.” His voice was small, like a child. Dante had a moment of empathy for him, which was quickly overwhelmed by his lust. He was too pretty to turn up. One way ro another, Dante was going to have his way with the young mans body It didn’t matter if he was sad.  
“You will.” Dante promised, though he knew that some part of Siddiq would live in that moment forever, if he raped him or not. He’d been forced to witness the murder of so many of his friends. Dante slid his cock against Siddiqs sweet little hole and then pressed into it. He watched with the same amazement of his first time as the hole reluctantly buckled and opened up to him. His Siddiq cried out in pain, maybe a little lust. He’d been writing himself against the ground for so long, Dante imagined he had to be somewhat hard.

Dante glanced up at the mans head and aw he was limp against the ground, focussing on the wooden wall before him. Dante recalled the cruel que of his Alpha:  
“Look.” Dante slipped his cock out of the tight place it had come to rest and turned the man over, beaconing him to watch as he pressed it in again. Siddiq tried to look away and Dante didn’t have a helper to force the mans eyes open, so he slapped him instead. “Look.” He insisted and the man did, staring down at his bare body, his spread legs. Finally, tears fell. Tired lines cutting through the grime on his face. Dante found home again, pressing against the tight bundle. He wanted to praise him, but held on to the words, less was more in a situation like this. Once Dante squeezed in passed the tight ring of muscle he was able to thrust properly. Pained sounds trickled from between Siddiqs clenched teeth. His body was hot and tight around him, squeezing him like a vice. Dante pushed the boys shirt up and pinched his nipple, rolling the pert nub between his fingers. Siddiq gasped then jerked his upper body away. Dante smirked and moved to the other side, getting a similar response.

“Stop!” Siddiqs voice sounded desperate. Dante, of course, ignored him. The young mans cock rose to attention. “I don’t like it!” But of course, he did. There was nothing that he could do to hide that from Dante now. Dante changed his angle, long, languid thrusts that drug along the sweet spot in the youths ass. He made a strange sound, something between the word no and a self-hating moan. His legs jerked. “I don’t like it! I don’t! Please!” His body bent up and out and he tried to push himself away. Dante moved faster, letting his primal instincts take over. “Oh fuck!” He shook his head. “No! No!” Dante wrapped his hand around the other mans cock and slowly drug his fist across it. He shoved his free fingers into Siddiqs mouth, smothering the scream that tore out of his mouth when hot streams of cum shot from his wide cock.. Dante moved his hand so that it wrapped around the youths throat. He had yet to find his own release, he focussed on the heat curled around his cock. Siddiqs body moved along the rough floor with each thrust until Dante buried himself one last time, filling him with cock and cum. Pleasure, white hot, gripping his body like a vice. He moaned and laid down across him, letting his cock soften within. He rested there for a long time, enjoying the way his victim shuddered and shivered under him. 

Once he recovered, he glanced outside. The night was at its darkest, dawn would soon creep over the horizon. Dante wasn’t done but he likely needed to be, yet all he could think about was the mans mouth wrapping around his dick. Dante shifted, making Siddiq groan. Dante stood and let the man finally rest against the floor. Dante found himself a cigarette and watched Siddiq as he did so. Siddiq didn’t try to get up, he simply laid where he’d been left, staring at the ceiling, clearly in pain.

By the time Dante had finished his cigarette, he was ready to go again. He walked over and Siddiq coward under his gaze. Dante pulled him up by is shirt collar, setting him on his knees. He untied his wrists. Siddiq didn’t seem to realize his hands were untied until Dante was tying them behind his back. He tried to pull them away but it was already too late. Dante stepped back around him and ran his hand through the young mans hair. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the youths mouth. Siddiq made a disgusted sound and turned his face.  
“Shh.” Dante cooed. “Be good.” He ordered, running his thumb over the youths lower lip.He tried to jerk away, still fighting despite having already been violated. He held Siddiqs hair with one hand and his own cock with the other. Dante tapped the tip against Siddiqs plump lips. He curled them inside, biting them between his teeth. He tried to turn his head but there was no escape. Dante growled jerking his head back to center. Siddiq glared at him, fresh tears filling his soft eyes. Dante smiled. He ran his cock across the boys lips and up against the bottom of his nose, ensuring he smelled it with every breath he took. Dante wondered if he could scent himself on the other mans skin. Siddiq looked offended and tried to turn away but Dante simply put him back where he wanted him. So Siddiq shut his eyes and tried to run out the clock by resisting. Dante released his hair and decided that if he wasn’t going to play along, he’d force him too. There was nothing like a good beating to soften someone up. He kicked him in the stomach first, then swift, between his legs. He made a lot of pretty sounds, groaning and whimpering as blows landed across his body. He finally caved when Dante caught him in the kidneys. After writhing on the ground for a long time, Siddiq sobbed: “Stop! Please! I’ll do it just stop!!” He was crying freely, trying to catch his breath and peel himself off the ground at the same time. Dante watched him struggle for a time then grabbed him by the hair once more, admiring the stretch of his throat and the turn of his cheeks. 

Once he was righted on his knees Dante set his hands on his hips and smirked down at the dark skinned man. Hed hoped to escape by simply letting his mouth hang open and allowing Dante to fuck it like he had his ass, but no, Dante wanted him to participait. He shuffled forward until he was close enough to obey. Siddiq wrapped his mouth around the tip of Dantes cock, immediately gagging at the taste. Dante could only imagine: it wasn’t as though he was bathing regularly or anything like that. Still, he tutted at the man, who recoiled and shut his eyes. He took his time, tentatively taking the cock into his mouth. It was clear he was unsure of himself. Whether he had sucked a cock before or not remained to be seen. Soon enough he was bobbing his head back and forth across the first three inches. He was clumsy, his teeth scraping the tender flesh. His tongue fluttered but otherwise laid still. Dante pulled out with a pop, making his victim gasp in surprise. Dante drug himself long ways across the wet mouth.  
“Lick.” He ordered, resting just the tip against his front teeth. Siddiqs little tongue flicked the tip. Dante moaned softly, encouraging him to go for it. He licked it again, a little firmer, then swirled his tongue around the slit. He dipped his head, sucking hard before pulling back off and licking. He repeated the action a few times before he bobbed his head earnestly back and forth. His eyes were screwed shut. Dante wondered what thought he was hiding in, but could hardly focus on anything other than the glory Siddiq was paying his member.  
“Jesus fuck!” Dante shouted in surprise when the man pulled off and sucked one of his balls into his gullet then drug his tongue along the underside of Dantes swollen cock. He was close, he could feel the need burning in his belly. He wasn’t ready, though, watching the boy blossom under him was too enjoyable to end so quickly. So, he pulled back. Siddiq followed his cock blindly, whimpering at its loss. Dante smiled. He didn’t want to lose such a beautiful creature. 

He let the man reclaim his cock, mouth sliding down to the base for the first time. He gagged, throat spasming. He jerked back but Dante wouldn’t have it. His throat was like velvet. Dante pressed himself deeper, ensuring Siddiqs nose was well acquainted with his nest of filthy pubes. Siddiqs struggles became desperate as his brain yearned for air. His throat popped around his cock, sending an electric shock through his body. Dante couldn’t hold back any longer. His vision went black as he shot his load down the mans throat. He pulled out quickly, filling the boys throat and covering his face. The moment his mouth was free of the punishing member, he gasped for air, only to choke on the spunk. Dante watched with sick satisfaction as the bitch coughed and wheezed, bubbles of jizz made their way out of his nose, getting stuck in his mustache and beard.

Dante waited until he’d recovered, wheezing against the dirty floor, to sink down to his knees. Siddiq wasn’t hard, his cock was curled up in his pubes, hiding from the abuse. Dante used his hands first, letting the roughness of his callouses do their job.  
“Dont.” Came the mans hoarse voice. “Please.” He looked desperate. “Please?!” Dante, of course, ignored him, opting instead to lean down and wrapped his mouth around the hardening cock. He could tell that Siddiq was trying not to rise to the occasion but Dante had experience. He could get even the most stubborn of cocks off. Siddiqs legs rubbed against the floor, his knees bending to push him away. Dante held him by his bent arms. “No! Nnnoo! Ahh!” His sobs were quickly turning to moans, his struggles to desperate buckings. Dante could tell he wouldn’t take long to get off. His cock was a grower, expanding in Dante mouth quite pleasantly. “Stop-Stop!” His voice pitched upwards and he screamed as he shot his load. Dante savored the nutty flavor, sucking hard on his tip until he was sure he’d milked every last drop. Siddiq went limp against the ground, sniffing and sobbing and trying to make himself stop. He didn’t resist when Dante pulled him up into his arms. The sky was getting lighter, soon they're time would have to end. Dante didn’t want it to but he knew better than to disappoint Alpha. He could only hope that their paths would cross again.

For the moment, he held the other against him, petting his flushed skin. His eye lids dropped, exhaustion clear. Dante held him until he could no longer resist the sand mans’ siren call. Then he gently eased him to the floor and righted his clothes, bagged his head and picked him up. If he woke during the journey to the tree, Dante couldn’t be sure. He bound him with care and vanished himself into the brush. He wanted the boy to live, so he made sure that any guardians that passed never picked up his scent. 

When his friends found him, there was relief and shame on his handsome face. Knowing he was safe, Dante left, returning home to report what he’d seen to Alpha.


	2. Remembrance pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've got issues and now, so does Siddiq! yay~  
> I beta this as I go, and I only write this when I'm super fucking tired so if you see something, say something, as they say.

Part 3 Remembrance  
Siddiq

Siddiq tried to keep himself awake, focusing as hard as he could on the pain he felt to keep from blacking out again. They would come, he reminded himself. They would come and untie him and take him out of this nightmare. He’d go home. He looked up at the sun as it drug across the horizon, it burned his eyes but he stared until he couldn’t any more. He listened to the way his wrists throbbed in their binds, his knees shook. There was only one pain he didn’t want to think about, the inside of his most private place. Of course, this pain was the most present, every time he shifted, there it was.   
Did he have to tell them about it?   
He could omit those details, couldn’t he? It never happened. It wasn’t as though anyone but him knew. Him and…  
He shook himself, he didn’t want to think about that.   
Of course, like the pain, the more he tried to run from the fresh traumas the more they nagged at him. 

‘Stay awake, stay awake, stay awake.’ His head ached, eyes burning, lids drooping. 

“Siddiq?” He jerked awake. When had he’d fallen asleep? His elbows and wrists screamed at the strain, he’d sagged nearly to his knees. He shook his head. For a moment he saw his friends: Enid and the others, then he saw the one who… Then, finally, he realized he was looking at Michonne, Daryl, Yumiko and… Carol. He shut his eyes when he saw her, Carol. Shame filled him. He hadn’t protected her son, he couldn’t protect anyone. Not even himself. Michonne caught him when he found he could not walk on his own. He let out a low, pained moan, trying not to feel what was going on inside of his body. Every step was punishment. He wondered if Michonne could smell him. He could smell it on him, the spunk, the blood, the shame. 

If she knew, she gave no indication, only faltering as they came up the hill and laid eyes on the people Siddiq had failed to protect. Not for the first time, he wondered why he’d been the one to be kept alive and longed for his head to be up there, with his friends. He wanted to look away but it was as though some ghost held his eyes open still. When his eyes landed on Tera, the emotions flooded back, out of his control. Everything that had happened flashed in front of him, he clung to Michonne, he didn’t want to get closer but she seemed to be stuck between running forward and clinging to him.

It took a long time for the abject horror to finally pass. The wails of pain and sorrow tore through him. He felt responsible for each and every death, each and every tear.  
It was his fault. He should have done more. He could have done more.   
“What happened?” Carol’s voice was stiff, angry. Siddiq looked at her. He opened his mouth to tell them the truth but then…  
“I don't know.” He lied. “I mean, I remember bits but.” He shook his head. He couldn’t do this. “We were all tied up, Alpha planned to kill us, me but then, Ozzy, Alek and Dj found us and we were fighting to get away but then something hit me, and its all a blur. They all fought so valiantly… I’m sorry.” He was weak. The only weak one in the group. That's why he was still alive.  
“Why are you still alive?”  
“She wanted me to tell you what happened.” Siddiq tried not to think about her compliment. How he’d done well. Carol grabbed him, shaking him. He opened his mouth to speak but couldn’t think of anything to say. She smacked him, right across the bruises that already rested there. He didn’t stay standing, fireworks exploded in his vision and the next thing he knew he was on the ground, reeling, his face pulsing, he could taste blood, feel the reopened cut in his mouth. He swallowed it. She moved to attack him again but Daryl held her back. Siddiq held his face and tried to ground himself. For the first time he saw the state of his shirt, the chalky white stains. He rubbed his face, feeling something flake off against his fingers. He tried to fool himself into thinking that it was blood but somehow he knew that it wasn’t.

Carol snorted, and said with nasty intent: “Did you whore yourself to live another day?”  
He looked up in abject horror. Her gaze was hot iron, eyes burning into his. He withered. He couldn’t stop himself from wondering if the man's lust had been the only thing that kept him alive.   
“No, I-” He shook himself.  
“Don't listen to her, she's just upset.” Michonne whispered.   
“I didn’t… I didn’t. I…” His breath came out faster. He wanted to scream. They couldn’t know. “They killed them, then brought me here. Nothing else happened! Nothing else!” He couldn’t breathe, he should have fought harder. He could have gotten away, he could have stopped it. He should have. Someone put a hand on his shoulder and he shrieked: “Don’t touch me!” Flailing to escape from forceful intimacy. It took him several beats of his heart to find reality again. Michonnes concerned eyes. He shook his head, opening and closing his mouth. They were all looking at him. “I'm sorry.” He whispered. He tried to get it together, his head was reeling, his mouth was dry. It was more than just his body, it felt as though his very soul had been skinned and put on display for all to see. How was he supposed to handle this? Of everything that had happened to him since the apocalypse and before, he;d been able to take it all in stride. He’d seen horrible things long before the world ended, he knew what people were capable of… but.... He couldn’t help but think of Carl and feel the weight and guilt of his loss along with all the others. If he had never come here…

He stood up, staggered and nearly fell. He caught himself, curling his hands around his shirt. He would survive this the same way he’d survived everything else: by walking. So that's just what he did. He aimed for home, where he thought home might be and let the others follow behind him. 

Once he started walking his body began to ache, but soon the pain dulled. In numbness he found rhythm. He imagined himself a soldier. He was marching like one. Siddiqs mind wandered away, he knew nothing but the next step, and that seemed fine. If he got eaten, he was ok with that. If he didn’t… well… he’d just find a way to survive and deal with this. He knew they were going to want to know exactly what happened, that there were things that he couldn’t tell them...

He recalled his counselor, from before. A plump, blond woman, Alida, who wore tiny spectacles and almost never spoke, but when she did, it was impactful, What would she have told him about this? He’d lost friends before, hadn’t he? When someone's time is cut short, and yours keeps on going, the only thing you can do for the dead is remember them, honor them.

‘Tell them’ He could hear Alphas voice in his head and wondered when she’d said that to him. When he started trying to think about that, flashes of memory invaded his mind and screamed at him. He shook his head, trying to shake off the thoughts. 

Inevitably, running from these traumas chased him into darker, older memories. 

Before he could stop it, he was walking through the past. His shoes squeaked with every step he took. The weight of books in his arms, the smell of paper. He was in a good mood, excited for his next class. He’d written a paper and given it to his professor. It was the latest draft of his dissertation. The first he’d trusted enough to allow it to be read by anyone outside of himself. He hadn’t told anyone he’d given the paper to his professor.   
Not even his best friend, Jasin. The man was going to be mad at him for not sharing something so important but Siddiq didn’t want to jinx it. After all, what if the paper was absolute garbage and he had to start it all over again? He couldn’t let that happen.  
“Hey!” Jasin’s voice. Siddiq smiled, turned towards it. The man patted him on the back as he got close. “You don't have to work tonight, right?” Siddiq was always amazed that the other knew his schedule. He knew exactly where Siddiq would be whenever he wanted to talk. It made him feel noticed, something he didn’t always get to experience. It helped that Jasin was just as lonely and out of place as he was.   
“Nope, but I do have a test I need to do in my online class.”   
“That's a drag. I was hoping I could convince you to come to my house for dinner and a little fun.” Temptation. Siddiq hadn’t enjoyed a night off in weeks. Between work and a particularly difficult semester of school, Siddiq rarely had a minute to himself.  
“I don't know. I really need to take that test.”  
Jasin offered in singson: “I have wifi at my house!” Siddiq considered the offer. He knew that they would end up smoking as soon as he got there, they always did. Once he was stoned he’d just want to eat, and then after he ate he’d want to play, then he’d pass out and he’d forget about the test. “Come on, buddy! We haven't hung out in forever.” He shook the man by his shoulders and Siddiq felt himself cave.  
“Ok.” He laughed. “I need a night of indulgence anyway.” He’d take the test in the morning when he didn’t have anything better to do.

Siddiq tripped on something in the real world and hit his hands and knees with a pained grunt. Someone was shouting. Siddiq didn’t care. He stood up and stepped back into another memory. 

Grunting. He was laying on his belly. Red sheets and empty liquor bottles. His body felt warm, there was a pleasant push and pull between his thighs, heat. He felt good. He moaned and bit his lip. He giggled. The grunting stopped, the pulling stopped.  
“Here.” Jasin’s voice. He offered him the bottle. It looked like water but burned like vodka. “Drink it up. Drink.” He smiled and obeyed. He shut his eyes again. 

When he opened them he was standing at the kingdoms gates. He realized belatedly that he’d not been cognizant of time passing. He hadn’t planned what he was going to say and had no idea how he would explain his bruises. His mind reeled, Carols words, Alphas, the whisperer, and a thousand more began to shriek and wail inside. 

Then: ‘She wanted you to fall apart.’ Alida’s voice, a gentle spring breeze among the hurricane. It made him feel like he could finally breathe. ‘She hurt you to destroy them. Are you destroyed by this?’  
A responding NO! Ripped through him. He suddenly felt empowered. She wanted him to break down and tell them about how horrible it was, how they needed to submit and obey. That was why the whisperer had… and why he was alive. 

Siddiq took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He again became aware of the state of his body. The pain he was in, the ache that went down to his soul. He stumbled, and hit the ground in a hard sit, which was uncomfortable to say the least, but the waves of dizziness and nausea that flew through him, more overpowering than the pain. He succumbed to them, feeling dying grassing under him and the cool blue sky above. He whisked away on the smells of autumn. 

He woke when they started helping him up. He murmured an apology, trying to help, only to find that his limbs would not cooperate.  
“Stop, just lay still.” Rositas sweet voice, her hand on his shoulder. He realized he was already on a stretcher, in the kingdom. He reached up and took her hand in his, the warmth of her. She held him. When they got him to the infirmary, his head was the first thing to be fixed. His friends all wanted to help, of course, and Ezekial hovered just out of view, likely wanting answers that Siddiq didn’t want to give. As hard as he tried, consciousness was fleeting. Until he felt someone's hands on his pants and his body slammed back into reality with painful clarity:  
“No!” He shouted, louder and harsher than he meant too, jerking away from Rositas hands. “There's nothing there.” 

It was clear by the woman's expression that she didn’t believe him. He felt like he needed to prove it to them that he was alright, that he could handle this himself. He forced himself to stand and hit the ground before he could take his first step. His entire body felt overpowered.   
“I’m fine!” He snapped when someone tried to help. He pushed himself up. He wanted to take a shower, he deserved at least that.   
“Siddiq-”  
“I said I’m fine! Just leave!” The hostility in his voice made Rosita draw back like he’d hit her. He didn’t care. He wanted them to go away. He didn’t want anyone to see him like this. No one said anything else, they quietly peeled out of the room. He got the sense that someone waited nearby, likely Rosita or Ezekial, maybe Daryl, who understood abuse and suffering better than most.

Siddiq took his time getting off of the floor. There was a bathroom just off of the room they’d taken him too. When it became clear that walking was out of the option, he crawled to it, turned on the spray and pulled himself into it, fully clothed. He couldn’t be naked yet. He just… he couldn’t. He needed to get rid of the evidence first.The water running down the drain was a filthy brown-grey color. Then it was kind of burnished copper, then it began to run clear. He washed his hair, wincing at the sting to his open wound. He wondered when he’d gotten it. He didn’t remember hitting his head or being hit in the head.

He knew he had a concussion, he didn’t even have to guess at that. Raising his arms above his head was a fete of near impossibility, but he managed to peel his shirt off. He dropped it outside the shower. The spray felt good on his shoulders but once the shirt was gone he felt hands creeping up his belly, touching his chest, holding his throat. He tried to bat them away but couldn’t, they weren’t really there. He felt hysteria rising up in his throat and forced himself to focus instead on the state of his skin. His stomach was blotchy purple, one very clear boot print was stamped into the right side of his chest. He vaguely remembered being stomped on. There was a spot on his left shoulder that burned like an open cut. He felt it with his fingers but couldn’t see it, no matter how far he craned his head.

There were more bruises that he couldn’t see but could feel their tenderness. He scrubbed his upper body clean. He could still feel the ghostly appendages coasting along him, but the water made them feel further away. 

It was time to take off his pants. He found himself unwilling. He knew he needed to deal with whatever mess was down there but… he kept remembering the way that man had felt, not just inside of him, but the heat of his mouth on him. His cock twinged unexpectedly when he thought about it.  
What the fuck was wrong with him?  
He shoved down his pants and found that his penis had risen, standing stiffly out of his pubic hair.   
“What the fuck?” He breathed. “No… I....” He shut his eyes against the reality in front of him, only to find himself transported back to that moment again. He couldn’t hide… He wrapped his hand around the stiffness and squeezed as hard as he could. He couldn’t feel it and it didn’t help.

He turned the spray to ice cold and let it pelt his body, hoping to ward off the erection. He focussed on the pain, on the beating, the distress and the disgust he’d felt.  
It worked, the stiffness slowly ebbed away and he was finally able to look at himself.

He started to shiver uncontrollably and was forced to warm the water again. A knock came to the door.  
“Are you ok, Siddiq?”   
He hated the sound of his own name.  
“Yeah. Fine.”   
They didn’t pester for more but he could feel their presence outside the door, looming, wondering. 

He stood up, his head rushed and he had to lay against the wall until the waves of dizziness ebbed away. Unsteady, he stepped back into the spray and began to scrub himself. He must have reopened something inside because the draining water was swirled with pink.  
Anxiety ripped through his body.  
What if he needed help to repair that damage? How would he explain it without them knowing what happened?

He turned off the shower and grabbed a washcloth, he pressed it against the hole, then looked to see. Bright red, fresh, and there was quite a bit of it, but it didn’t make him feel worried. 

If he was gentle with his body maybe he wouldn’t have to involve anyone.

He stepped out of the shower and limped to the sink. For the first time he was able to take in his reflection. His eyes coasted along the bruises. It felt like he was looking at someone else's body. He was starting to swell. He wished he had an MRI to check on his internal organs. Especially his kidneys, the way it had felt, like a monster was wrapped around him, squeezing him to death. 

He wished he was dead. He propped the weight of his body against the sink and sighed. He laid a hand on the wound on his shoulder. Whatever it was was swollen, hot to the touch. He glanced in the mirror, trying to crane himself to get a decent view of it. He couldn’t. 

“Are you still outside the door?” He asked, his voice strained.  
“Yeah.”   
“Can you bring me some clean clothes, please? Just leave them outside the door.  
“Of course.” Rosita knew his house fairly well, he trusted her to be able to find whatever it was that he needed. After a few minutes the woman knocked on the door then walked away. He heard the door open and close and only then did he open the bathroom door. She brought him a black cotton button up and a soft pair of dark bottoms. Once clothed, he felt better. He sat down on the edge of a nearby mattress and let out a long sigh. Sitting reminded his body how exhausted it was and weights tugged at his eyelids. He didn’t want to think about anything, so he scooted back and pulled his knees up to his chest. In a matter of seconds sleep claimed his conscious mind.

He did not dream. A mercy.

When he woke again, it was to pain and thirst a steady knocking at the infirmary door. His head pulsed inside his skull. He sat up. His head stuck to the pillow and he had to pull it off, calling:  
“Come in.” as he did. He felt feverish.   
It was Ezykial. Siddiq felt a fresh revival of his earlier guilt to see the stricken look carved into the man's skin. He tried to smile but failed.  
“I was hoping to speak to you.” His voice was tired. “You’ve been asleep for several hours, it is now morning and I…” The king didn’t seem to know what to do with his hands, they fluttered up and around his body, settling on his hips, then across his chest. Finally, he clasped them in front of him. “What happened?” Siddiq shook his head. He wasn’t ready but it seemed his time to prepare had run out. He looked for a glass, found it and then went into the bathroom. He felt Ezekiel's presence hovering over him, watching him, waiting. Siddiq filled up a glass and took a long draught. 

“Its blurry.” He admitted. “I remember...going to the river for a swim. Needing a break from all the people, the next thing I remember was waking up, there was something over my head and someone was carrying me, over their shoulder. Before I could decide to do anything they threw me on the ground and yanked the bag off my head. It was twilight, I wasn’t alone. Enid, Tera… Henry. Someone was dropped next to me. We were all tied up, gagged… It was an old barn, maybe a shed? I can’t be sure.” He had to stop. He took a breath. Everything else wrong. He felt sick to his stomach. “There were probably ten of those people, all around us.” His voice sounded hoarse and he couldn’t help but think about why, he could still taste the man's filth. He drank more water but there was nothing for it. “We knew we were going to die. I was ready to die.” He wished he had, he wished he could go back and do more, get himself killed before. 

“Then Alek and DJ and Ozzy showed up and we had the opportunity to fight,” Siddiq recalled his friends fierce battle, using anything they could use to fight. “Enid was the last one standing, the first to be decapitated. It was Alpha, she had a machete, I didn’t even see it until her face and then Enid fell and then… The others. There was someone holding me, she told me to look, I didn’t want to look but they made me. They pulled open my eyes and it was Henry, he was still fighting, still trying to escape but then, his head, like Enids, and all of them, one by one until they were all dead. I thought I’d be next. I wanted to be next!” He realized he was screaming, hyperventilating, Ezykial was staring at him with a broken look on his face. His hands raised like he wanted to hold him but wasn’t sure it was the right move. 

Siddiq felt the wetness on his face and covered it with both hands. He didn’t want to do this. “I can't.” Siddiq choked. “I'm sorry. I didn’t do enough. I couldn’t save them. I should have been stronger but Im so weak, I couldn’t stop him, I could make him stop, I didn’t want to, I told him to stop but he just took it anyway and what am I supposed to do about it? I couldn’t make him stop!” 

“Him? I thought you said Alpha did the killing.” Siddiq took a sharp breath, catching the words that he as saying, not aware of them. He shut his mouth. Ezykial opened his, several times before he finally spoke: “What… what did he take?” Siddiq shook his head quickly, covering his mouth with both hands. He held his breath, trying to staunch the flow of tears and snot. He was living in that moment now, the way the man's hands had slid up his knees. Siddiq knew, he knew what the man wanted, what he didn’t want to give. 

Not again.

Siddiq shook his head and rolled his eyes skyward. He was exhausted and his voice and body showed it. “The whole time she was killing them she had the same little smile on her lips.” Siddiq mused. “And then, when she was done she leaned in and she whispered “You did well, you get to live, tell them, tell them all about it.” Siddiq shut his eyes and breathed in the scents of that moment. Miles behind him and still resting in front of him. “I thought it was over. I thought… I dont know, I thought they’d drop me somewhere, that I’d walk back to camp but it wasn’t over. She said, take him to the hill and tie him to the tree. Just make sure he’s there by sunrise, but sunrise... Sunrise was so far.” His breath caught in his throat. “So far away.” Siddiq shook his head, holding his skull. Everything hurt, it felt like it was happening still. Ezekial captured his attention by gently touching his shoulder and clearing his throat. He wanted to say something, Siddiq could see it just behind his teeth.

“It’s not your fault.”

Siddiq flinched at that.  
It felt like it was.  
All of it was. From the first moment he’d stepped into these people's lives every death laid at his feet. His fault. He could have fought harder. He recalled the blow job with a shudder. He’d done it willingly, to stop the pain but willingly nonetheless. And he’d cum. Not once, but twice. He could almost forgive himself for orgasming when the man blew him but the first time… He didn’t even need to be touched. He wanted to die so badly.  
“Your head is bleeding again.”   
“What?” Siddiq felt it then, the tickle of a trickle, he rubbed it away and Ezekial stopped him.   
“Lets clean it up and wrap it, ok?” Siddiq nodded, he felt like a little boy, Ezekial sat him down on the bed and went about cleaning and wrapping his head. “Let's look at that wound on your shoulder, too, ok?” Siddiq simply nodded again, turning so that his legs bent onto the bed and his back was to the other. Ezekial eased the fabric off of his back, wincing in sympathy. “Someone bit you.”

He didn't remember feeling teeth break his skin.   
“Do you feel sick?” Siddiq focused on his body. He felt exhausted, worn thin and ached but none of the pain or feverishness made him feel like he was going to die. He recalled seeing people bitten by the infected, how they looked within hours.  
“No. Not like that, anyway.” He felt Ezekial nod.  
“This is going to sting.” The king warned, soaking the open wound with alcohol. Siddiq sucked air through his teeth, sharp. He shut his eyes. He was too tired for this.

“What do you want me to tell everyone?” Ezekial asked once he’d bandaged the mark. Siddiq considered.  
“I think… I think it would be better if it came from me.” Siddiq said. “I know she wanted to destroy me, to destroy us but… People need to know that our people fought and died heroes.” Ezekial smiled at that. Siddiq could see the pain in his eyes and once more, he felt the guilt weighing in around him.

He thought when he got onto the stage that he’d feel empty and broken but he was surprised that he actually felt real and optimistic, like he was going to make it better.  
The feeling lasted for months after his speech. He felt it every time he worked on a patient, every time he stepped out his front door. He even felt it when Kingdom fell apart. He was alive, despite everything. He couldn’t take that for granted, he would do right by the people that died, he would turn it into something real.  
He’d lock everything that happened with the monsters away.


	3. Remembrance pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tears are natural, we wouldn't have them if we weren't supposed to let them out.

Dante

Eyes and ears inside their walls.

When Alpha said that to him he wanted to tell her no. He didn’t want to be part of their world, of that lie. But to please Alpha, to be a hero, to be like Beta. He’d do anything to kill the lies of the world before. Men like him didn’t belong in that lie. He knew the truth, didn’t he? That people were violent, wanton and selfish. Alpha understood, better than anyone else.

So he did as she instructed, became the watcher within their world. He wanted to grin ear to ear when he saw his Siddiq for the first time. He seemed to be coping well, though he stood back from Dante when he saw him. Dante waited for him to say something to indicate he recognized him, instead, he simply seemed naturally afraid of Dante's much larger physique. He’d learned the lesson.  
He introduced himself and Dante smiled, acting genuine, cordial, like he was happy to meet him for the first time. 

Dante wanted to touch him. Desperately. He wanted to grab him by the shoulders and push him up against the wall, slide his hand down his hands and kiss him, swallowing those needy little sounds that he knew he could make.  
“I'm a doctor too.” Dante mentioned, casually. “I haven't practiced in a long time but I am.”  
“Really? Thats great. We need another doctor.” Dante could see that, the exhaustion in his eyes.  
“Man, you look tired.”

Siddiq laughed in surprise at the offhand comment.  
“Yeah, I don’t sleep much,” he cleared his throat, “Or well, for that matter.”  
Dante could guess why but he said:.  
“Does anyone anymore?”  
To Dante's surprise, Siddiq smiled at that. He had a beautiful smile, a warm, bright thing that made Dantes pulse quicken. He wondered if he could have him, he wanted him, if he could convince him into his arms.

He’d done it before, back when the lie was still alive. He wiggled into someones heart that he’d raped only weeks before, making her feel special and wanted and comforted. A stupid little slut that had cum on his cock just like Siddiq had, though she had barely made a noise, where the noises Siddiq made… Oh the noises he made.  
He realized he was staring at the outline of Siddiq's cock and broke himself out of the trance. He’d noticed. Siddiq said in a stiff voice: “I'm done, you can roll your sleeve back down.” Dante smiled.  
“Maybe we can talk more later.” Dante suggested and the man shook his head.  
“I'm busy.” He answered and disappeared before Dante could try any harder. Possibly for the best. He didn’t want to come on too strongly.

Getting Siddiq to trust him was a surprising challenge. He offered him sweet line, smooth words, humor and intelligence. He gave it back in kind, he was clever and easy to talk to, but Dante could feel it, he didn’t trust him. He always kept an arms length between them. Just in case. Instead, his trust resided with the slender Mexican woman, Rosita. It was easy to see why, when they were clearly intimate, they knew each other in ways no one else did. They were friends. Part of the struggle. Most of the people he’d hurt didn’t have friends or family. They were alone and after being raped, they were ever the more isolated. Not Siddiq. He was universally loved and appreciated. He had support all around him. 

So Dante had to be incessant, constantly, carefully, gently. Like the ocean whittling down the sand. Yet the closer that Dante tried to get, the more Siddiq ran from him. It made him wonder. He’d not been soft to the touch when Dante took him, but he didn’t have the unyielding tightness of a virgin either.

Dante was starting to be convinced that the young man would never open up to him when he was graced with a miracle. Well, a near tragedy but it felt like a miracle to Dante.

It was a cold evening, Dante was packing up for the night, with the intention of going home to catch some shut eye, when Janny Daulson came running up, her face white washed and eyes shiny with fear.  
“Its Michael!” She cried. “Its like hes dead, I don't know what happened!” Her panicked voice reached Dante before Siddiq but the indian was faster to respond than him. He grabbed his bag and stethoscope and followed Jenny out of the house and down the asphalt path. She led them to the attic of an empty house. Dante could smell the weed and booze from the bottom of the ladder. Michael laid face down, half naked, on the floor. His pants were pulled down, just under his ugly poached ass. Siddiq faltered when he saw him, recoiling like he was seeing something dark.  
“What happened?’ Siddiq demanded as he knelt at the boys side. He pressed two fingers against his throat. One of the teens spoke up first.  
“We were playing around,, sir… uhm, drinking and smoking and, he said that farts are… uhm, farts can be lit on fire and Jenny didn’t believe him so he said he’d prove it and he started taking off his pants and then he just fell over. We thought he was trying to be funny but then he wouldn’t get up-”  
“So I ran to get you.” Jenny chimed in, oh so very helpfully.

Siddiq carefully turned to boy to his side, sliding his finger into the slack mouth, checking for vomit or other chokeables.  
“He didn’t puke at all?” They shook their heads in unison. Siddiqs brow furrowed with concentration. “We’re going to have to manually pump his stomach, Dante, go get me water.” Dante obeyed.

In the end, the boy scraped by with his life intact. Siddiq and Dante carried him to the infirmary in silence. It was strange, the boy was alive but Siddiqs face was clouded.  
“He’s gonna be ok, man. You saved his life.” Dante tried.  
“Yeah.” Siddiq answered, turning to face a painting on the wall. He was far away. Dante wondered where.  
“You should be pleased.” Siddiq reacted strangely to the comment, like he’d been punched in the chest. “Siddiq?” Dante reached out and touched his shoulder, not for the first time. As always, Siddiq pulled away but this time he did so with a panicked cry:  
“No! Don't touch me, Jasin!” He reeled around and for a moment, Dante could tell that he wasn’t in reality. Then he recognized Dante and shut his eyes. Shakily, he rubbed his forehead with his thumb. “Sorry.” He commented, once his voice was under control. “I just… I just…”  
“Were having a flashback and I didn’t realize. I'm sorry.”  
“Flashback…” Siddiq echoed. “Yeah. That's right.”  
“Whose Jasin?” Dante asked gently. Siddiq rolled his eyes upward, wrapping his arms protectively around himself.  
“Nobody important.”’ Siddiq answered. “Just… one of the monsters in my closet.”  
“What triggered the flashback?” Siddiq shook his head. “It helps to identify it. Or it does for me, anyway.”  
“It's stupid.” Siddiq answered. “It shouldn't bother me anymore, it's been almost 15 years.” Dante nodded. “It was the smell. The alcohol and the weed and-” He cut himself off.  
“You can talk to me.” Siddiq laughed.  
“His pants were down. I thought…” Siddiq shook his head again, laughing. His fingers squeezed white-yellow rings into his arms. Dante just listened. “I thought someone might have been trying to… have sex with him.”  
“Not much of a leap to make. We find a young man passed out and half naked, too drunk to remember anything…”  
“No. You remember, maybe not everything, but enough, eventually, to know what happened. And you feel it. Even if they try to make sure you don't. You do.” Dante nodded.  
“What do you remember?”

Siddiq pursed his lips at that. Trying hard not to speak despite how much he clearly wanted to.  
“You don't have to tell me it's just… It helped me.” Dante had never needed to use this before. Siddiq was stubborn and he was smart enough to know if he lied, so Dante had to tell the truth.  
“Helped you?” His sweet brown eyes caught Dante’s and Dante nodded. “Tell me.” Dante took a deep breath.  
“I was 17.” He started. It had been such a long time since he’d spoken out about this. It hurt to think about it, even decades later. “I graduated early and I thought I’d be a backpacker for a while, see the world, you know? Before I threw myself into the arduous process of becoming a doctor. It was wintertime, so naturally I went where winter wouldn’t be: South America. I already spoke a little Spanish, so it made sense. About halfway through my trip I met this girl, Savannah, and I was heart struck. She looked a lot like Rosita but darker. She was sweet, kind. Oh god, she was the nicest person I had ever met. I swear, I wanted to marry this girl. So when she invited me to this house party, It didn’t take much to convince me. Well, it wasn’t the kind of party I’d expected. She took me to a dirty little apartment in this seedy neighborhood, and there were six guys there that jumped me and beat the shit out of me before they stripped me naked and pinned me across this desk. They each took turns with me, it went on for hours. I thought they’d kill me when they were done but they didn’t. They just… threw me in a dumpster, like taking out the trash. I woke up the next day, no passport, no money, no clothes. I wore a trash bag to the embassy. They made me feel like it was my fault, which it kind of was. It was a pretty common scam. They told me I was lucky I didn’t end up dead or sold into slavery.” Dante smiled the kind of smile that hurt. He didn’t mention that he’d raped Savannah first. 

Siddiq stared at him for a long time then swallowed the knot in his throat.  
“I'm sorry.”  
“Its ok. I mean, it's not ok, but it is now. After a while, a long while, it doesn’t hurt that much.” He paused, for effect. “Do you want to tell me your story? I won't make you if you don't want to, but it does help.” Siddiq shook his head, teary eyed he said:  
“It's not so bad, compared to yours. I feel foolish even telling you about it.”  
“Don't do that to yourself.”  
Siddia looked up at him, confused. “It's not your fault and no matter what happens, your pain isn’t a sport, one person doesn’t get to win and the other lose. It’s just.. Pain. It pulls us apart and brings us closer together.” 

“I wasn’t young like you, I should have known better. I knew there was something wrong with him, I knew something was going on, but I kept going to his house anyway. I kept letting him smoke me out and get me drunk. I let him!” Siddiq covered his mouth, sobs bubbling out of him. Dante thought about getting up and hugging him, but that seemed wrong, so he said:  
“It's not your fault. Tell me what happened.”  
“I don’t know when it started. I just remember being sore when I woke up and my mouth tasting funny. Then the next time I stayed the night, I smelled weird the next day. Then… Then I remember the sheets. He had red sheets. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up in his bed and I was on my belly and there was all this… this… this niceness happening, it felt good, I was moaning and I started giggling and he gave me water but it was vodka and!” Siddiq shook his head. He covered his mouth again. It was clear to Dante he’d never talked about it. Never told anyone. Probably shoved it down deeper and deeper and might have even forgotten about it, until Dante raped him in the barn and brought it all back up. “I woke up on the couch. I asked him if I’d been in his bedroom at some point but he told me no.” Siddiq shook his head. “I didn’t see him for a few weeks after that, it was finals and I was busy and I just… I thought I was being silly, maybe dreaming or hallucinating. I’d smoked a lot of pot that night, you know? So when he invited me to stay at his house over the break I thought, free place to crash, why not? The first couple of times he offered me booze I thought, just in case, I didn’t want to drink. I told him no. Then I started getting really tired after dinner and falling into these deep, strange sleeps, plagued with dreams about sex. I kept trying to rationalize it. The semester had been so stressful, I hadn’t taken many breaks, I was tired and I hadn’t had a girlfriend in a long time. I was just horny. And there was no real evidence that anything was happening. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t accuse him of something I couldn’t prove and what if I was wrong?” He fell silent, staring at his hands. “I didn’t want it to be true.” his voice was the size of a pea, Dante barely heard him. “A few weeks after the break ended, I started feeling gross, so I went to the doctor. I had chlamydia. It was the first real proof I had that something was happening. So I confronted him. He tried to gaslight me, tell me I was crazy, then once it became clear that I wasn't going to let it go, he laughed in my face. He told me that I should be pleased that he chose me, out of all the sad little bitches he could have picked, I was the one that he wanted the most.” Siddiq let out a bitter laugh. “He told me to stop pretending like I didn’t want it and he kissed me and put his hands down my pants. I didn’t know what to do, I just froze up. I let him do ti again, I just laid there and let him fuck me.”

“Thats so fucked up.” Dante whispered. He felt it, too. He’d never be so cruel. The people he’d hurt knew they were being hurt. He never tried to play it off as anything else. “Not, you, I wouldn’t have known what to do either. I probably would have done the same thing.” Siddiq shook his head.  
“Eventually, I just rolled it all up and put it away. Like when my dad died, I just put it away. It never mattered because I didn’t feel it and if I didn’t feel it, it never happened… and it stayed put away until last year when… when one of the whisperers raped me.” Dante let his eyes widen and his brows crease.  
“What?”  
“Before you came here.” Siddiqs hands were fisted in his lap. “I know you’ve probably heard about the people we lost, the ones that their leader slaughtered?”  
Dante nodded: “I heard that… you were part of it. You saw what happened.” Siddiq laughed.  
“Saw, felt, experienced. I was in the shed. I watched. I was made to. One of them… one of them held my eyes open and made me see every last detail and then after all of them were dead and I was still there, she told him to rape me. I mean, she didn’t use so many words but… she gave him the time to do whatever he wanted and that's exactly what that monster did. He fucked me and made me suck on him and he-” Siddiq rubbed his face. “He went down on me. Got me off. Made me enjoy myself.”

Dante felt the corner of his mouth pull up. The sadist in him wanted to tell him not to lie, he was enjoying himself before Dante had decided to help him along. He covered the smile by forcing himself to frown. 

“Thats fucking evil.” Dante said instead. “I'm so sorry. You didn’t deserve that. Of everyone here, you… you have such a real soul, Siddiq. Your kind and your giving and you didn’t deserve anything that happened to you. Its not your fault.” The man didn’t seem to know what to do with his words, he stared at him for a long time then he closed the short distance between them, cupped his cheek and kissed him. Just a light peck at first, like he wasn’t sure, then a harder one. 

Dante was surprised to say the least and he leaned into it, he wanted it. He imagined throwing Siddiq over his desk and fucking him senseless.  
Instead, he took hold of his hands and broke the kiss.  
“I cant.”  
“I-I'm sorry, that was inappropriate. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I-”  
“Stop. Stop apologizing, your fine, I want to I just… your in pain. I want to fuck you when your happy. You deserve that much.” Siddiq pursed his lips.  
“I don't. I don't, just fuck me, its ok, I promise, I consent, just please, I don't want to feel this, I need to feel something else, something good! Make me cum, make me forget.”  
“I can’t.” Dante held on to him, pulling him into his arms, onto his lap. The mans chest sucked in, he tried to keep his emotions at bay. “Just let it out. Its ok.” Once he was given permission, the dam broke and he began to cry, hard, into Dantes chest. Dante ran soothing circles along the man's skin.

At some point, Siddiq fell asleep. Dante was uncomfortable, so he shifted enough that he could carry him over to one of the beds. He laid him down on the outside then crawled in along side him. He didn't know how he'd react to it, but he took the chance and held him while he slept.


	4. Touches: Siddiq

Siddiq  
Siddiq felt pleasantly warm when he woke, embraced in someones arms. For a moment, he was blissful, but only a moment. Then the arms shifted and tightened and he opened his eyes, expecting his bedroom only to see the back of a wooden desk. He was immediately disoriented. How had he gotten here? He jerked, the arms tightened in response. He let out a whimper. Blood. He could smell blood. Panic rushed through him and he started to struggle, bringing his head back into the arms face.  
He heard a surprised grunt.

“What the fuck?!” Dante’s voice groaned. Siddiq threw himself off the bed and skittered away from him, confusion and fear thrumming through his veins before he managed to focus, finally, on his bedmate. They were both fully clothed, Dante was sitting up, holding his face. Siddiq was now on the floor, panting and still trying to understand where he was and what had happened.  
The night before rushed into his mind and he flushed with embarrassment.  
“Oh, Dante, I-Im sorry.” He stood up and quickly grabbed a washcloth to staunch the flow of blood coming from the mans nose.

“Its ok, its ok, I should have just tucked you in and left. I was just worried that you’d panic when you woke up.” He laughed. Siddiq wrung his hands in front of him.  
“I’m sorry.” He said again.  
“Stop apologising, your good, man.” Dante consoled him, his voice muffled behind the cloth.  
“Sorry, I mean, sorry. I don’t mean sorry, I mean sorry for saying sorry. I’m just being dumb. I have to go!” He walked out the door before he could dig himself into a deeper hole.He heard Dante chuckle and his face warmed considerably.

He was so embarrassed, he couldn’t believe that he’d thrown himself at Dante like that. He’d never spoken to anyone like that before, like some needy little slut. He felt disgusted with himself. He went home and took a shower, as hot as it would go. His skin roasted but he felt alive under the pressure.   
Still, he couldn’t shake the panic attack that had begun earlier. It was just below the surface, in every movement that he made. Just a needling nastiness that pulsed through his every thought. He stepped out of his bathroom and into the bedroom. He paused to look at his naked body in the large mirror that he had next to his bed.   
He’d lost a lot of weight since the barn. He could see almost every rib. Despite how much he hated it, he turned and looked at the bite mark scar in the mirror. He touched it with his finger tips, tracing each bump. He still didn’t remember being bitten, yet he almost appreciated it. The only physical proof he had to connect himself to the barn. He needed it, though he hated it. It was the only thing that let him know what was real. 

He put back on the clothes he’d worn the day before, he tried to wear everything for at least two days. With a heavy sigh at the edge of his lips, he sat on the bed and examined the carpet. It was like a vast grass sea.   
He didn’t mean to but his mind turned to the barn. One minute he was fine, the next all he could smell was the man. Then he could feel it, feel him, his arms, his kisses. He fell into the sea at his feet. He tried to crawl out but he started to drown in the fibers. He felt like he was crawling across one memory to the next, he couldn’t get away from it.

It was his heart that finally brought him back to reality. Pain, it felt as though it was going to explode inside of him. He leapt to his feet and the rise in blood pressure made him sink to his knees. Alida called to him: ‘Where are you right now, Siddiq?’  
“Where the fuck am I?” He stared at the carpet, then gazed unsteadily around the room. “I’m in my bedroom.” He nodded to himself. “I can feel the carpet and the cotton in my shirt. I can smell… god this shirt stinks.” He sniffed it and wrinkled his nose. The day before had been strenuous and emotional. Maybe it was best for him to change. He pulled off his shirt and stood up again. He stumbled and closed his eyes. He was still panicking but he was able to focus on the reality in front of him. Take the shirt to the basket. Done. Get a fresh shirt. Done. Put the shirt on. Done.  
He felt better as soon as he was covered in fresh cotton. He sighed and walked back to his bed and sat down. He was exhausted. He knew that he needed to go back to the infirmary but he couldn’t convince himself to do so. He laid down on his side, awkwardly with his feet still on the ground.   
He pulled his knees up and held them with one arm, tucking the other arm up under his head. He was freezing. He shifted around, trying to move as little a possible, and rolled himself up in a blanket.   
In a moment he fell asleep.

He didn’t sleep for more than an hour or two. He woke to someone knocking heavily on the door. He sat straight up and ran to it, mostly in a daze. Rosita stood, smiling and Siddiq smiled back.  
“Hey, oh, wow, your hair is a mess! Did you fall asleep with it wet?”  
Thrown by the question he opened his mouth and closed it again, running a hand through his thick hair. Or attempted too, the knots made that impossible.  
“Oh, yeah. I took a shower this morning and fell asleep after. Im just feeling a little run down lately.”  
“Thats too bad, but I brought something that might help.”   
For the first time he noticed she was carrying a very heavy looking basket. He immediately took it from her, chastising her for hauling something like that in her condition.  
“Don’t worry so much.” She laughed. “It’s the apocalypse, this baby is going to come out with real guns.” She flexed. Siddiq tried to feel the humor but he couldn’t, so he turned his back quickly and put the basket on the small desk in his bedroom. 

He opened it up and smiled. Rosita didn’t cook often but when she did, it always carried with it the smells of his childhood.   
“What is that?”  
“Pizole.” She answered with a smile. He didn’t recognize the dish, but he smelled garlic and tomatoes and he could see garbanzo beans. 

“It smells wonderful.” She’d brought two bowls, so he served each while she sat down. He could tell that she had something on her mind but didn’t know how to say it. “So whats up?”  
“Hm? Oh…” She worried her lip. “I’m concerned about you. Whats going on?”  
Siddiq didn’t know how to answer. He shrugged. He’d told her more than most anyone else, but he didn’t know what to tell her at that point. 

Rather, he didn’t want her to be ashamed of him. He was weak, pathetic and she was carrying his worthless seed. He could only pray that her natural strength would outweigh his inability to defend himself. The baby would get his brain and her braun.  
“I dont know.” He admitted. The rape was righta t the edge of his tongue. He’d not told anyone about the whisperer, except for Dante, and now that he had, he wanted to tell Rosita, his closest friend. He felt wrong to have not told her in the first place. But if he told her that… he’d have to tell her the rest and… and he wasn’t ready for that.   
“Please talk to me, Siddiq. I hate watching you suffer like this.” Siddiq shook his head.  
“I can't, Rosita. Im… Im sorry. Its too much.”   
“Too much for you or me? Cuz if you're trying to protect me-”  
“No, its just… its all too much, for me, for you, for the world. No one can know the truth.” Her face twisted at his words.  
He’d already ruined that, hadn’t he? By telling Dante.   
For some reason, he knew Dante wouldn’t tell anyone. Wouldn’t carry more guilt that he already did. He’d never met anyone from the barn, he didn’t know. He didn’t care about them, not like Rosita.  
Teras face flashed behind his eyes and he quickly covered his face with his hands. Arms wrapped around his body, that stench, blood and rot and urine.

He felt a warm hand on his arm and jerked then remembered Rosita was in the room with him and focussed on her, trying to ground himself in the moment. His mind twisted it all around and he saw her head on a spike, belly split open, the infant bashed to pieces and he clenched his teeth to keep from screaming.  
“Sit down. Lets eat, ok? You need to eat.”  
He nodded numbly and let her help him into a chair. He felt sick, the once delicious smelling food now reminded him of bile. He ran his spoon along the top and tried to think about anything else.  
“Hey, feel.” She took his hand and placed it on her belly. The child inside shifted, kicking him and he felt strange relief. He sighed and placed his other hand along side the belly. He didn’t think he got down on his knees and laid his head on the swell.  
For the first time in months he felt himself at ease. The gentle woosh of her womb, the thudding of her ehart and the gentle nudge from the baby was a sweet lullaby.  
He wished that he had loved her the right way, that their trysts had been real.

“What do you mean? They were real, lustful and playful but real.”  
“What?” He looked up at her and she knit her brows in confusion.  
“You just said that you wished our trysts had been real.”  
“Did I… say that outloud?”   
She nodded.  
He felt himself flsuh.  
“Sorry. I… I didn’t mean to.”  
“Can you explain what you mean, now that you’ve said it.”

Siddiq chewed on his inner cheek then spoke in a shaky voice: “I always wanted to fall in love but I never felt like…” He couldn't help but think about Jasin. He had once felt like he could fall in love, that there was someone out there for him but after Jasin, he couldn’t love anyone, could he? HE couldn’t trust them, even if he didn’t remember why. “You were the first person that I…” Her eyebrows went up in surprise.  
“Wow, for a virgin you were really good!” HE shook his head quickly.  
He should have just let her believe that, because she pressed for details: “What do you mean then?”  
He felt like he should tell her.  
“In college…” He started. “Near the end…” He ran his hand over her belly. “My friend…” The night before it had come pouring out of him, unburdened and emotional, but now… he couldn’t find the right words. Well, he could, but he didn’t want her to know what kind of damaged goods she’d fucked. That love would turn to pity in her eyes. “I had sex a few times before but after he… I guess…” He shook his head. Rosita looked especially confused by then and he wanted to make her understand. He clenched his teeth. Could he even call it rape? It wasn’t like he’d ever said no or tried to stop it. At some point he had to be complicit in his own abuse, right? Going back even when he had his suspicions, that was just like consent. “I’m sorry.” He stood up and walked into the bathroom and shut himself in.  
“Siddiq, wait!” Rosita tried to follow him. He laid against the door and felt her lean against it. “Please. You… need to talk about it, it’s written in your voice, on your face.”  
He felt hot tears spill down his face. He felt so absolutely weak in that moment. He wanted to push it down, to make everything he was feeling disappear but the harder he tried, the worse it got.   
He filled up the sink with water and submerged his face inside.  
HE found clarity in the silence it brought. He was finally able to reclaim his stability.  
When he opened the door, Rosita was standing beyond, looking helpless.  
“I'm sorry.” He said in a calm voice. “I didn’t mean to run off like that. I dont want to talk, ok? Lets just eat.” She nodded and waddled to the chair. She sat and waited for him.

The pizole was cold. He wondered how long he’d been in the bathroom. He ate it anyway. He wasn’t hungry but he knew he needed to eat. 

She left shortly after they finished, kissing his cheek as a goodbye with a sad look in her eyes. He could tell she was trying hard to connect with him but he just… he could’t burden her with this knowledge. He brushed his hair and put on his shoes and walked to the Infirmary to check on his patient. 

The boy was gone when he got there but Dante was still there. Siddiq felt a stab of guilt when he saw the swollen nose, and black eyes, but to see the man at all was exactly what he needed right at that moment.  
“Oh, I am so sorry.” Siddiq said before he said anything else.  
“Dont worry about it, just remind me never to hold you from behind again.”  
Siddiq laughed despite himself. That was for the best.   
“Hey, I wanted to say that I’m sorry for how I acted last night, kissing you, and all of that.”

Dante looked baffled, saying: “What? I don't accept that apology, you don't need to apologise for anything. I get it.”  
Siddiq smiled. “I was getting worried, honestly, how are you holding together?” That brought the doctor pause.  
“I don't know.” He spoke honestly. “I feel...everything.” Upon saying it, the thin tether of his emotional control slipped again and he felt tears whelm out of his eyes. “God.” He wiped his face. “Im a mess.” He laughed, trying to wipe away the tears but they were faster than his hands. Dante stopped him gently,, holding his face with both hands.  
“You get to be a mess. Your safe, if you need to cry, cry, if you need to scream, do it. There's no one here that will judge you.”   
Siddiq felt himself fold into the man's arms, surprised by how warm and soft he was. Like a dog. 

Dante held him delicately, Siddiq felt like he could easily break away if he needed too. Yet when he shut his eyes he recalled the Whisperer laying against his body, running his hands posessively across him and that stench.  
Siddiq pulled away, Dante let him.  
“What's going on?”  
“The whisperer.”  
“The one who assaulted you?” siddiq nodded. “Tell me.”  
“Just.. flashes. Mostly his hands...touching me.” Dante nodded with understanding. “They keep mixing with the memories of Jasin and the massacre and the beginning of the apocalypse and… so many other things. It's all muddled together, I dont know whats real anymore.”   
Compassion filled Dantes face.  
“Thats brutal.”   
“I can’t handle it.” Siddiq said, his voice broke and he started crying again.

Dante let him, Siddiq appreciated it. He didn’t know what else to do. His whole body hurt, his chest felt like an open wound, pus filled, gushing. He blubbered for a while, telling Dante things that didn’t really make sense or matter, that he didn’t really understand to begin with. Then he said, with perfect clarity:  
“I wish I had been able to make Rosita happy.”   
He felt that in every fiber of his being.  
“What do you mean?”

Siddiq paced across the room and started making himself a cup of tea.  
“Do you want some tea?”  
“Yes, thanks.” Siddiq made him a cup.  
“Before the shed, before Alpha, Rosita and I were having sex, a lot of sex. I hadn’t done it with anyone... in a while, she made me feel whole, but it became really obvious that she didn’t feel the same way. We had fun and we were good friends but I made sure I never got attached, and eventually she started talking to Gabriel and, well. He made her happy. I wanted to be that for her but… I couldn’t be.” Siddiq sighed. “I was ok with it until we found out she was pregnant. I couldn’t tell her that I loved her because she made to really clear that she didn’t want me like that and now she's almost there and I'm going to be a father and I want that so badly, but I want to be a family.”

Dante nodded. It made sense.  
“You're in a vulnerable place right now. You’ve been abused and sent reeling and you’re looking for an anchor. I bet the baby is going to do a lot for you once you get to hold it the first time.”   
Siddiq laughed in surprise. “Did for me.”  
“I always forget you had a family. A son, right?” Dante nodded.  
“Jimmy.” A voice soaked in sorrow.  
“What about your wife?”  
“We never actually got married, but her name was Nina, she was Indian, like you.”  
“I'm not Indian.” Siddiq corrected, out of knee jerk than anything. “Im Arab, second generation american.”  
“Oh, sorry. Fuck, I’ve been assuming that for a long time.” He laughed. “I feel like an asshole now.”  
“Don't feel that way, dont worry about it. Trust me, it’s a common mistake. Tell me more about Nina.”  
“Well, she was a third generation american, Indian, god she was just…The most beautiful woman I have ever met. I wanted to marry her, always planned to but I wanted to give her a real wedding.” Dante shook his head. “I never even proposed but I like to pretend.” Siddiq took a sip of his too-hot, unsweetened tea. He made a face. Dante giggled. “You make the best faces.” He commented, smiling. Siddiq made another face, couldn’t hide the smile that pulled at the corner of his mouth. “You remind me of Nina, mostly your skin and hair but sometimes you make faces that, I swear, you could be related to her.” He cupped Siddiqs face, Siddiq felt himself lean into the touch. Then the sentence struck him wrong and he pulled away.  
“Is that the only reason why you like me?”  
“What?” Dante laughed. “I mean… when I first met you, on a completely skin deep level, your looks definitely attracted me to you, the fact that you're a doctor, like me, made me want to be your colleague and then… I started to get to know you. You’re intelligent, kind, soft, but hard when you need to be. I think the thing I like the most is that you have this… power in you but you aren’t corrupted by it, like so many others.”  
“Oh.” Siddiq didn’t know what to say to that but he liked it. He couldn’t keep the smile from creeping onto his face. Dante became serious, placing his hands on Siddiqs shoulders he said in a gentle voice:   
“I know you can handle this.” 

Siddiq wanted to kiss him again, to lean forward and press his mouth against the others but he resisted the urge. 

“Do you want to go for a walk with me later?” Siddiq asked, surprising himself with the invitation. He wanted to be near the other man all the time, he didn’t really know why but he felt like he needed him.  
“Sure.” He nodded, smiling.


	5. Touches: Dante

Dante

Siddiq smelled like nothing he’d ever scented before. His skin reminded him of an unripe peach, firm but soft and fuzzy. Every time he touched him, he felt the burning desire to fuck him. It was hard to control the impulse, especially since he’d given into it so much since the apocalypse began.   
It was worse because Siddiq was perfect, the one that Dante had been hoping to find. He thought he’d found them so many times but they all broke themselves trying to recover. This time he wanted to make sure that Siddiq was truly invested in him, in love. Nina had never been able to love anyone outside of herself. Not even their son.   
It was his history that made him different.   
Every person that he’d devoted himself to had discarded him when something better came along but Siddiq didn’t know that he was Dantes choice. 

As Siddiq spoke, he imagined running his thumb over the mans lips, pressing the digit between them, feeling the resistance, the panic, then his resolve give out. Dante could hear him moan and gasp, little choked off sounds, he tried to hide from. Dante would get that thumb good and wet then pull Siddiqs legs open, press his slicked digit inside his taut little hole and play until-

Dante caught himself staring at the man and had to shake himself out of it. Siddiq was starting to become a distraction, he needed to re-experience his body soon, or he was going to lose himself in the fantasies, and he couldn’t have that.

Dante knew he needed to bide his time, Siddiq was loosening up but he wasn’t there. He wanted to hurt him but if he hurt him now there was a danger that he’d slip too far down the rabbit hole and be lost for good. It was all about timing. He could tell that being his confidant was something that Siddiq desperately needed. Their relationship had shifted drastically since the night before. Dante had learned long ago that a serious shift in one direction easily led to that relationship quickly buckling if it was rushed or pressed in too many directions.   
When Siddiq invited him to go for a walk Dante agreed and then hesitated. Once he’d already agreed though, there was no turning back.

That evening he met with Siddiq at dusk and they followed the curve of the pond. A family of ducks had come to rest there, finding the safe haven in the apocalypse, a place to rear their young. For the first time, Dante didn’t miss the herd. There was something beautifully sacred about the place they lived. He knew it would fall, as they always did but for a moment he forgot that they were in the apocalypse. Siddiq chatted next to him, they didn’t talk about anything particularly important, just whatever came to mind. He mentioned feeling the baby kick and the way that he felt anchored for the first time in months. 

Talking about the baby had a way of turning Siddiq quiet, however, so Dante took over the conversation, letting thoughts of broken hearts and unrequited love fall to the wayside. 

They ate dinner after that and Dante walked him home. Siddiq kissed him, very shyly, on the lips and bid him goodnight. Immediately Dantes head filled with nasty fantasies that he had to aggressively ignore to keep himself from indulging. He had to wait, he didn’t want to, but he had to wait until the man was ready. Once he really trusted him Dante would be able to do whatever he wanted to him and it would feel like love. Siddiq would crave it.  
When Dante turned he was surprised to see Rosita staring at him from across the road.   
“Hola, bonita.” Dante bid, waving at the other woman.   
As always her face help distrust for him but she smiled.  
“Dante. Walk with me.” They almost always spoke in spanish, Dante felt strangely put off by her english. He followed her down the same path he’d walked with Siddiq just before. They walked silently for a while then she said: “Siddiq is very vulnerable right now.”   
“I know.” Dante answered. “I'm trying to help him thr-”  
“No your trying to get into his pants, I can tell that's all you want from him and he doesn’t need that right now.” Dante couldn’t stop himself from smirking.   
“Did he need it when you fucked him and left him??” Dante asked. She didn’t miss a beat..  
“We aren’t talking about my relationship with Siddiq right now, Dante, we’re talking about you manipulating someone whose vulnerable. You need to back off.”  
“You know what I think, I think that you're just upset that he’s talking to me about what's going on but not you. You can't have him and be in love with Gabriel, Rosita, you have to let him go. Or do you think it's fair to keep toying with his feelings the way you do?” As expected, she started to get angry. “Or are you just a slut that hopes you can weasle your way into a threesome?” She slapped him- hard- across the face.   
“Leave him alone, Dante.” She marched away from him. Dante just smiled, licking the tiny amount of blood that collected at the corner of his mouth. It tasted like sex.

He hummed to himself and sighed.  
It wouldn’t be much longer before Siddiq trusted him enough. He just needed to be patient. He decided he needed to go outside. It was getting dark but he needed the relief of the silent woods before he did something he’d regret.

In the past, he would have found someone smaller than himself, stalked them long enough to identify any stupid habits they might have, and then broken into their house and raped them when they weren’t epecting it. He didn’t like to do it while they slept. He preferred them seeing him coming and still not being able to win.

“Where are you going?” The guard, Ophelia, asked.  
“Just out, I need some silence.” He answered. She nodded.  
“Be safe.” She answered, opening the gate.   
“Thanks, I will.” He smiled and followed his feet. He didn’t know where he was going to end up, but he wasn’t surprised when he ended up at a run down shed he’d found weeks earlier. He came here often, any more he didn’t even have to think about where he was going, his feet just took him there.

He stepped inside and went directly to the bed.He fumbled in his haste to yank out his cock. His mind took him inside Siddiq, beginning with the sweet but faded memory of his tender body. Without prompting, he began to imagine his unconscious form, limp beneath him, open to whatever he might want to do to him. His fist sped across his cock, he moaned quietly into the air. It wasn’t enough. He pressed his fingers into his mouth to silence himself, biting down on his skin.

He felt the sensation of falling, he knew what was coming but was helpless to stop it.

It was her, always her.

Savannah.

Her throat beneath his hand, the patterning of her pulse against his fingers.   
It had never been his intention to rape her.  
She was flirting, he was flirting, she kissed him first, she tasted like champurrado. He slipped his hand down her jeans, felt the slick wet her lips. She rocked against him, letting him play with her until she started to pant and moan and wiggle.  
Her long fingers tugged at his hair. She spasmed against him then pulled away.  
“Eso fue divertido, Dante.” She’d said, kissing him once more, letting her hand ghost teasingly across his erection. He could scarcely comprehend what was happening. She was leaving. He grabbed her and pulled her back. “Oye!” She cried. He was on top of her before he knew it. He tore up her shirt and crushed his mouth against hers, swallowing her panicked cries. Porcelain cracked against porcelain. He bit down on her lip and twisted her nipple before his hands tugged her skinny jeans down to her knees. She thrashed, he turned her over. 

Her slit opened to him in one slick motion. The shock stole her voice, he shoved her face into the pillow once she got it back. He didn't speak.

He thrust a dozen or more times before his cock flexed into her tight chanel, filling her with his hot seed. She made a fuss about that, but he scarcely heard her, lost in the ecstasy of what he’d just done. He laid on top of her for a while. She started to wiggle, trying to get him off. Her movements, slippery mouth gliding across his nestled cock brought the creature up again. He blindly followed what his body demanded of him. This time, he took his time, letting his cock clap against her warm mound until her protests turned to unsettled moans.He no longer held her down but felt her ride back to meet his body. She led the ride, bringing herself faster to him, over and over until she was screaming for Jesus.

The memory folded into another. Savannahs lofty curlsbouncing as she led him down a dark alley. He saw nothing but her. If he had been paying attention he would have realized the dangers much sooner. He’d brought a six pack, as instructed. He climbed a set of rickety stairs, watching the way her ass moved beneath her tight jeans. 

She stopped at a plain door and knocked twice. A man answered, handsome with a large nose that pulled attention in his face. He welcomed Dante with a grin, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. He spoke in thick english:  
“Welcome, little Dante.” The front room was populated by three men besides himself, Savannah had disappeared. “I hear you like to take without permission.” Dante didn’t comprehend the meaning straight away.  
Someone hit him, the back of his head. It sent him reeling. Someone else shoved him, then another hit him in the face. They shoved him back and forth hitting him.   
Panic crusted him, throwing his balance off. One of them grabbed him by the shirt and yoyo;d him away, making his shirt rip.  
Someone else tossed him forward, dick first into an unforgiving metal desk. Not letting him recover, someone grabbed his head and bounced it like a basketball, others captured his wrists. He tried to get back up, laughing with confusion.

One of them smacked his ass, hard. He laughed again. They spread his cheeks. He saw Savannah again.  
“Savannah!” He tried. Her face was cold. “Please!” It was her turn to laugh. He heard the man behind him snort, long and hand, gathering a huge loogie into his mouth with he spat onto Dante’s hole. Another fit of giggles broke from between the youths lips. The man pressed his cock against Dantes tight knot. Dante didn’t struggle, he just laughed.   
It must have bothered one of them, because they shoved a pair of socks into his mouth. He shook his head, the noise still coming out of his muffled chest. Sharp pain demanded his attention. He squeezed his eyes closed and bit down on the socks, trying to deny what he was feeling.

His giggles turned silent as the man's first full thrusts rocked him into the desk. He scrambled for purchase. The unyielding metal provided no comfort. His fingers dug into the soft flesh of someone's arm. He recognized no one. The man inside of him- a man inside of him, Jesus Christ- burned like a hard shit, but had no end. They were chastising him in spanish but their words came too fast for him to comprehend. 

Again.

Another scream.

Again. And Again and again until he could not muster the strength to cry out. The man fucking him had stilled, Dante felt the flex of his cock inside of him and the sickening feeling of being bred against his will. No wonder Savannah had protested. 

The moment the mans cock slid out of him another plowed in its place. He whimpered. The reality of his situation finally dawning across his mind. He fought to escape, but the men holding him were strong. 

His panic addled mind couldn’t remember any spanish, the only words he could muster were please, stop! The burn as relentless each thrust into him alien abuse, but the pull out was strangely pleasant. His body was beginning to tingle. Parts of him were going numb. Other parts were awakening. This man didn’t last nearly as long as the last. The moment he started to pull out another eagerly took his place. This one was brutal, violently pummeling him like he was some stretched out sex doll. Dantes entire mind went blank, he couldn’t comprehend anything beyond overwhelming pain then empty numbness. Something came down across Dantes back that brought him to reality again. A thousand stinging ants biting him all at once. He screamed. He recognized Savannah standing in front of him, his face close to her crotch but too far away to do anything to her. She was wielding whatever was hitting him. He writhed under her torturous assault. Someone hit him in the face, bright dots popped in his vision. He realized that he was blubbering.

He sucked a breath and held it. He wanted to be stronger than this. The man thrust once, twice, three times and came across Dantes back. A fourth man,... or was he the fifth? Dante couldn’t know. He began to fuck his despertly, thrusts shallow and fast. Like a dog desperately dipping himself into some bitches hole. It was a relief compared to the earlier assault. His body was responding. He tried to twist away but there was nothing for it. Someone hit him again and he bit down on his tongue to swallow his whimper. 

The man came with a bark and Dante giggled again, choking on the sopping wet socks jammed down his throat. He could feel the cum inside of him, too much, it was disgusting. Another came to press into him.  
This one was different. He didn’t seem focussed on himself so much as he was experiencing Dantes flesh. His hand squeezed his ass cheeks hard, then moved up, caressing his heated back.

He had yet to begin thrusting, the breadth of his cock simply filled him. Dante was able to find his footing again. His toes scraped along the ground, he was fully stretched across the desk. He had been taken out of his clothes but didn’t see where they’d ended up. The man jostled himself inside and Dante couldn’t control the tight keen that burst out of his chest. He was being rolled over to his back. His colon twisted on the others cock and he groaned in discomfort.   
“Nasty little boy, aren't you?” Dante was surprised by the english words. “All hard for Daddy.” Dante glared at him definitely but there was no denying that his cock stood at attention. The other man began to pull out then, very slowly. It was then that Dante realized his hands were free. He threw a punch that collided weakly with the other mans face and he didn’t seem phased. He tried to push himself away but the man just laughed. He shifted so that Dante was balanced on his waist and started to bounce him up and down like he was nothing at all. Dante didn’t know what to do, he had no leverage to escape and it seemed every move he was simply aided the man rather than halt him. He couldn’t breathe, the man yanked the socks out of his mouth. Dante gagged at the way that it stuck inside of his mouth.

It was starting to feel amazing. Like some sort of glorious, angry god was taking him, someone that knew his body better than he did. His traumatized nerves were shooting signals wildly.His hips shifted, gliding across the wet dick within him. He started begging, he didn’t know how to speak, it came out at garbled gibberish, but he knew he said Please.

When he was almost there, so close he could almost reach it. The man stopped, his cock buried inside of him and Dante let out a frustrated, confused huff.  
“Tell me what you want.” The mans thick accent sounded delicious. Dante didn’t have the wherewithal to fight it, he blurted:  
“Cum, I wanna cum, please!” The man smiled, laughing.  
“What a dirty slut.” The man thrust once. “Filthy little whore.” Dante nodded. He was. He needed to be. “What are you?”  
“Yeah.” He agreed. “I’m a slut. Please. Please! Nng!” He moaned, his head rolling, he started bouncing up and down on the cock of his own volition. The man was laughing, someone else laughed. Something struck him along his back and he screamed. The man began to bounce him once more, and the things smacking his back, over and over. He lost himself, there was nothing left but sensation. Overwhelming intensity rolled over him, it was something between agony and pleasure, too much to comprehend.

Dante crashed back into reality to the treacherous sound of walkers shuffling and moaning. He felt the sticky mess on his hand but hadn't enjoyed the same level of overwhelming intensity as he would have had he gotten to enjoy a proper fucking. Still, it took the edge off. He sighed, wiping his cum off on the dirty mattress and sighed. The walkers were just outside the shed. He killed them easily and walked back towards home.


	6. Fulfillment

Siddiq

Dante knocked on his door and didn't wait for him to answer. A carnal hunger painted in his eyes. He grabbed Siddiqs face and kissed him hard, walking him into the house, he kicked the door shut behind him. Siddiq broke away, confused, trying to speak. The other didn’t halt his endeavor. Exhilarated by the aggressive behavior, Siddiq allowed himself to be helpless. Dante let his mouth wander, kissing down his neck, capturing his ear between his teeth. His fingernails raked his skin. Siddiq let out a sound between a moan and a denial. They fell into a wall, Dante hefted his legs around his waist. Siddiq whimpered. He wanted it to stop, it was going too fast, too much, his entire body was already tingling and….  
“We can't. I can't. I’m not. I’m not….”  
“You're not? Not ready? Shhh.” Dante captured his lips again and Siddiq moaned, turning his head.  
“Im not gay. I like women.” Siddiq insisted. Dante laughed.  
“You dont have to be gay to like this.” He answered, pulling up Siddiqs shirt. His mouth lathed across Siddiqs chest, sweet and tender then vicious and cruel. Siddiq yelped in surprise and looked down to see that Dantes face had morphed into another's. Jasin. Somehow he was already inside of him, violently thrusting. The pain was overwhelming. Siddiq shoved him away and Jasin stumbled back. Siddiq slipped down the wall and fell through the floor. He landed in a dark place, on his hands and knees. Whimpering, he looked behind him and saw the rotting face of the whisperer. He was taking off his belt, saying “Keep that ass up for me.” Siddiq tried to crawl away but the floor held his hands and knees. Then, he fell again, morphing through the floor, he found himself pinned between the pair, the whisperer behind, Jasin in front. Fingernails clawed and bled him dry. He was struggling but his limbs were made of concrete.  
“Please, no. Please please stop! Please stop!” He begged. His body was still tingling, treacherous and alive under their foul love.

Dante appeared, his hands reaching through the darkness and he found himself atop of him, tangled in bedsheets, riding a magnificent cock, his body overwhelmed with ecstasy.  
“Dante, Dante, please, I want to stop. I'm going to, im nnnngah!”  
Someone slithered behind him, a dark shadow.  
“He doesn’t want to stop. He wants more. Whore.”  
“Sold himself to by another day of living.” Carols voice.  
“No. I…” He bucked, pleasure mixing with shame and self hate. “Please stop. Oh god!” Dante was grinning at him, his face melting into the Whisperers. Siddiq shook his head.  
“I don't want this, please, Dante, come back! Dante!” Siddiq was going to cum, the other thrusting inside him knew what they were doing, every movement was perfectly filling, utterly too much. Ecstasy.

Siddiq woke with a panicked shout, the rolling orgasm peeled over his body. He tried to stop it but it was too late, he shot his load into his shorts and left himself a sticky, disgusting mess. His face was wet with tears, his hair was a mess. He grabbed his pillow and wrapped his arms around it. He buried his face into the fabric and wailed out his pain.  
“Siddiq?!” Someone's voice he didn’t recognize, someone knocking on his door. Mortified he stared at it, in hopes the other would leave he didn’t answer. “Are you alright, Doctor? What's going on? I'm coming in!”  
“No! I-Im fine. I'm fine. Nothing is wrong.” Siddiq charged across the bedroom and opened the door a crack, just enough that he could see his visitor and they could see that he was alive.  
“You were screaming. I could hear it next door. What's going on?”  
“I'm sorry that I disturbed you. I… I had a nightmare. I'm ok now, I promise.” He opened the door a little more, so they could see his upper body and into the otherwise empty room, but couldn’t spot the wet shame.  
“Oh. Alright. I just… you sounded so… terrified. Are you sure you're ok?” Siddiq nodded.  
“I promise I am. I'm just shaken is all, it was… a very bad nightmare.” The woman didn’t seem convinced but Siddiq didn’t care. “Goodnight, Elen, thank you for checking. I appreciate your concern.”  
She looked like she had something to say but didn’t know how to word it. She knew the basic reason why he would have nightmares. She hadn’t been at the kingdom for the fair but she knew.  
“You know, when my kids have bad nightmares I give them peppermint tea and that seems to help them calm down. Would you like some?”  
“I have some, but thank you. Really. Goodnight, now.”  
“Goodnight, doctor.” Siddiq waved goodbye and watched her leave before he dropped his bedroom door open and walked across to his bathroom. He stripped himself out of the fouled trousers and shoved them to the bottom of his laundry basket.

He hadn’t had a wet dream since his 28th birthday. The return of the very embarrassing habit was by no means welcome. He climbed into the shower. He wished that doing so would make him feel clean. He was so tired of being trapped in this place of self disgust. Talking to Dante had helped but… now… it was just… he was just…

He shut his eyes and let the warmth spread across his body. Of course, closing his eyes merely made him see the things he tried to suppress. Flashes of dying faces, his friends. The whisperer gripping him too tightly. He tried to focus on something else but the memories were just getting more and more intense. There was nothing he could do to escape, he was forced to endure the way that they shifted into one another. 

He woke again sometime later, the spray pelting him was cold and his body was stiff. He turned the shower off with his feet and shut his eyes again. 

Someone was knocking on his door again. He wondered if Elen had come back with the tea after all. He pulled on the robe that he kept next to the bath and noted that he was almost dry, his hair was the only still damp thing.

Rosita smiled at him with that perfect, sweet way of hers and waddled into the house without needing an invitation. She was holding a container filled with something that had steamed up the plastic. Siddiqs heart hammered whenever he looked at her.  
“I brought breakfast, Gabriel made way too much and I thought I’d share.”  
“What did he make?” Siddiq wasn’t hungry.  
“Just an egg scramble with potatoes and corn. DO you want it?” She laid it on the table and eased herself into her usual chair.  
“Yeah, thank you.” Siddiq fetched himself a fork and went to the meal.Once he opened it, he was greeted by hunger.  
“Oo, that's tasty.” Siddiq aid after his first bite.  
Once he was about half done she spoke again: “To be honest, I have alternative motives. I'm worried about you… and Dante.” Siddiq's brows went up and he frowned at her.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I just… I see that you're getting closer with him lately, I saw you kiss him. No judgements about that but… I don't trust him. Just… something about him is off. I can feel it. I don't know what it is but he’s dangerous and I don't want you to give your heart to someone who's just going to shatter it.” Siddq felt a stab of rage and couldn't stop himself from saying:  
“Like I did with you?” He snapped.  
“What?” She looked genuinely surprised.  
“What do you mean, what? You didn’t realize that I was in love with you?” Her mouth opened and closed again.  
“I guess…. I guess now that you say it, I did. I didn’t… I mean… I'm sorry.” Her cheeks flushed and she stood up, a little too fast for her condition, she was forced to sit back down. “I uhm… I thought we were just fooling around. I thought you knew I didn't want to fall in love and…” She shook her head. “I don't really believe in love, honestly. I just thought… I thought we were good friends.” Siddiqs rage had already abated and he sighed.  
“We are. And thats what it was. I knew that, but… I couldn’t help but get attached and it hurt when you started seeing Gabriel instead of me. I don't know what he does for you that I can't… I just… always wanted a family.” Siddiq hung his head and shoved a huge bite into his mouth so that he wouldn’t have to talk.  
She was watching him, clearly uncomfortable. Her eyes wandered across his form and she spoke softly: “I'm sorry, Siddiq. He's just… different. He reminds me that I can be happy.”  
“And I couldn’t?”  
“You… you made me feel really good and you’re always going to be someone that I care for, deeply, but… No. You didn’t ignite that part of me.” 

Siddiq felt himself nod. He wanted her to leave.  
“But please, please listen to me about Dante. It's not about jealousy or anything like that, there is something really wrong with that man. He's hiding something.”  
“You think he’s dangerous?”  
“Yes.” She replied without hesitation. “He's going to hurt you and if I'm wrong… I’ll eat my afterbirth raw.” Siddiq laughed.  
“That's a thing, you know, it's full of vitamins and minerals.”  
“Siddiq! No thank you!” Siddiq smiled, letting out a small breath of a chuckle through his nose.  
“I understand. I appreciate what you're saying...but… I just… I’m not there with him yet. I don't really know what I want, to be honest. I’ve had so many things happen and I'm… I like that he’s kind to me. I can talk to him. He certainly causes… stirrings that are new for me.”  
“You’re going to keep seeing him?”

Siddiq nodded. “I have too. There are things you don't understand.”  
“I could understand if you’d tell me.” 

Siddiq considered but shook his head.  
“No, it's better if you don’t know. It's just better. I promise, he’s never made me feel like I'm in danger and I really like him. I want to keep seeing him but I will be careful.”

Rosita nodded slowly and stood up.  
“I’ll be here for you when it falls apart. I can only hope that it doesn’t end in your death.” The morbid words gave Siddiq pause, then he said:  
“Me too.” She waddled out the door, leaving Siddiq and his container of food alone to contemplate the meaning of things. 

He was not alone long. He heard a loud cry, Rositas voice echoing back to his ears.  
“Siddiq, my water!” He was out of his seat and down the steps within moments. She was standing in the hall with a wide eyed look. It was the first time he’d ever seen her look anything more than calm and collected. She looked terrified. Her pants were soaked and there was a huge puddle between her feet.  
“Its too early. Its too early, Siddiq? Why did my water break already? Oh my god!” Siddiq grabbed her hand tightly.”  
“She is just ready, its ok. Can you walk?” Rosita nodded.  
“You said she.” Her voice garbled and they started to pace themselves towards the infirmary.  
“Yeah. I think its going to be a little girl.” He answered. “She is going to be as strong as her mother and as pretty as her dad.” Rosita laughed.

“As smart as him too.” Rosita answered, letting out a surprised cry as what Siddiq could only guess was a decent contraction. She crushed his hand with her grip.

After a few minutes it warped away. They walked outside. There were a few people around. He spotted Dante, who immediately came jogging over to them. He said something in spanish to Rosita then grinned.  
“Let me go get a wheelchair.”  
“No. I want to walk. It’ll be-” She groaned and bent over with contraction again.  
“Honey, if we don't put you in a wheelchair you might just have this baby right here.” She groaned, looking around with clenched teeth.  
“Fine.” She snarled. “But lets keep walking til he gets back.” And with that she resumed her slow march and Siddiq nodded gratefully to Dante's back, even though he couldn’t see it. 

He returned a minute later, jogging awkwardly behind the low chair. He arrived just in time to catch Rosita as another contraction wracked her body.  
Siddiq was scared. He’d never delivered a baby but he was pretty sure that the contractions should have been so frequent unless she was honestly about to pop. By the time they got her to the infirmary and propped her legs up in stirrups the child's head was crowning.  
“Your crowning-”  
“I'm pushing!” She answered through clenched teeth. Siddiq grabbed the nearest clean towel and caught the baby as she came out. Rosita screamed. “Fuck!” Grabbing hold of the nearest thing, which happened to be Dantes forearm.  
“If you hurt them im going to fucking murder you.” She shouted and Siddiq couldn’t help but laugh. His laughter was cut short as the baby began to move and whimper for the first time. His mouth fell open, staring at the beautiful masterpiece before him. The sticky, bloody masterpiece.  
“Hi baby.” He vaguely heard something splat but had no interest. Dante carefully cut the cord and Siddiq stood, bringing his child to the nearest sink. He turned on the water, warm and began to carefully wash her. Oh she was magnificent. This tiny wiggling infant. She was smaller than she should have been. Couldn’t have been more than a half foot long, if that and she was light. Her voice was small but powerful. Her energy.

Siddiq had never believed in god or souls or anything beyond what he could feel with his hands until the moment he held her. He knew that she was going to live, and not just live. She was destined for greatness. God-promised.

ONce she was clean he wrapped her up and held her properly. She was staring up at him in silence, curiosity already igniting her big eyes. They were grey, which surprised him.he had heard that happened sometimes but he was pretty sure it was a melanin deficiency in caucasions. She was no caucasion. Paler than him, sure, but darker than her mother. She had the sweetest wisp of brown hair across her scalp.  
“Look at this beauty.” Siddiq went to Rosita's side. She looked tired but reached for the child with a smile.  
“She's so quiet.”Rosita looked frightened again but siddiq said simply:  
“She's a little traumatized.” Rosita sat up.  
“She's hungry. Help me take my shirt off.” She handed the baby to Siddiq, who placed her gently on the bed next to him and helped Rosita lift her shirt off.  
“Try not to do that.” Dante said, annoyance clear in his voice. Siddiq glanced.  
Dante was handling everything below, he noticed that he had his suture kit out.  
“How's it going?” Siddiq asked, giving the baby back to its mother before kneeling between her legs.  
“She tore a few times. No surprise how quick that baby came. A little impatient thing, isn't she?” Dante laughed. “So far nothing that seems terrible but its hard to tell until its cleaned up.” Dante asked for a few things and Siddiq obliged.

A few minutes after they had finished cleaning her up, Gabriel arrived, looking terrified and excited. It was strange, for the first time Siddiq felt no sort of resentment or anger towards either person. He was… in love with that baby. Truly in love. More so than he ever had been with Rosita. He wanted to hold her again and never give her back. Instead he had to let Gabriel. He didn’t let him for long.  
“Here, give her to me for a while now.” Siddiq took her without waiting for the reply, folding his arms around her protectively. He walked away from the couple. The child was asleep already. Siddiq quietly whispered to her, making sure no one else could here:  
“My little daughter, my little baby. I love you. I love you my little baby.” He was a little embarrassed by it but he’d never felt anything so strongly in his entire life. “I'm your daddy. My name is Siddiq. I'm going to take good care of you and you are going to conquer the world one day.” She made a soft grunting sound that made Siddiq grin.  
“Siddiq?” Rositas voice. “I want her.” she held out her arms and Siddiq begrudgingly returned the infant, leaving a small kiss on her forehead. He felt adrift once she wasn’t in his arms. Watching Gabriel and Rosita come together around the child made him feel things he never thought he’d have to and he hated it immediately.  
He looked for an anchor. To sit or to run away and he saw Dante leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Siddiq became desperate for human connection. He walked to him and folded himself against the others warm chest.  
“Do we have to stay here?” Siddiq whispered and the man shook his head.  
“Wanna go to my house?” Dante asked. It was just across the road, Siddiq nodded. “We are going to give you two some space, if something happens, we’ll be at my house, ok?” The pair vaguely responded. 

The moment they were inside, Siddiq pressed a kiss to Dante's mouth, walking him back against the closest wall. Dante looked a little surprised but didn't try to resist. When the kiss broke Dante breathed a sigh and said:  
“Well that was unexpected.”  
“Can I fuck you?” Dantes brows went up. And he shook his head.  
“Uh, yeah.” He stammered. “Do you mean… like… do you wanna be on top? Cuz Im down for anything.” Siddiq didn’t know exactly what that meant initially. Then the image of him riding into Dantes body crossed his mind's eye. Yes. That.  
“Yes.” Siddiq stated and Dante grinned.  
“Lets go to my bedroom. I think I have some lube.” Dante took his hand and skittered excitedly into his room. He started kissing Siddiq tenderly, running his mouth up and down the man's neck. Then he pulled him down across him.  
Siddiq returned his kisses, heated mouth colliding in desperation. He could feel Dantes cock, prone in his pants. His own was straining against the fabric, chafing uncomfortably.

Dante wiggled until his pants were gone and helped Siddiq out of his.  
For the first time Siddiq realized, really, what he was doing and paused.  
“Uh.” He flushed. “I've never… not… anally.” Dante grinned.  
“Don't worry, it's a lot like a pussy, just, let me… mmm.” Dante was worming around, his fingers between his legs. Siddiq glanced down as he saw the sheen of lube that seemed to have appeared out of where.  
“I want to do that.” Siddiq caught his wrist and knelt at the edge of the bed. Dante glanced up and smiled at him, releasing himself. 

Siddiq found the tube of lube, there wasn’t much left, and squeezed a little onto his middle finger. The man's dusky pucker winked as Siddiq carefully circled the muscle with the digit then slowly breached the other man. Dante groaned. Siddiq added a second finger quickly and Dante let out a louder moan.  
“Fuck, its been so fucking long!” He shouted and Siddiq looked up in time to see his cock send a stream into the air.  
“Oh…” Siddiq looked a little distraught, pulling his fingers out, recalling the over sensitivity that would follow.  
“No, no, no, don’t stop.” Dante groaned. “It’s just a warm up, happens every time.” Dante wrapped his legs around the others body, groaning and wiggling. Siddiq glanced up at his face, flushed, pupils blown, breath ragged. He hadn’t even started the fun part yet. “Fuckin put it in, fuck me, fuck me!” Siddiq was surprised by his horniness but more than excited to oblige. His cock was bursting out of his jeans. He palmed himself, lubing the tip up before he carefully lined himself up with Dantes body.

Genuinely afraid he might hurt the other man, he eased himself into the warm space.  
It was tight, He’d assumed he’d burry himself to the hilt right away, like Rosita liked, but… he wasn’t sure he’d be able to manage it. Dantes voice pitched.  
“Oh my god, you're so big!” Dante looked absolutely crazed, grabbing Siddiq by the shirt, he pulled the man down on top of him. “Fuck me like you mean it, Daddy.” His voice was hoarse.

The ragged sound struck Siddiq, immediately filling him with a carnal need to plunder the other man. He kissed Dante hard, their teeth clipping each other as he slammed his hips home. Dante screamed, arching off the bed.

Siddiq began to groan as he pulled slowly out of the hot embrace.  
“Fuck. Oh fuck, so tight. Tight.” He didn’t want to leave, so he buried himself again. He began to thrust like that, only pulling out a few inches so that he could slam home again. Then he pulled out entirely, his cock protesting the cold. Dante whined at the loss. 

Siddiq didn’t leave him alone for very long, capturing the others wrists, he pinned him down along the bed and carefully dipped his cock in the heat, just the first two or so inches, then he stilled. Dante whimpered.  
“That's not nice.” He protested, once he realized that Siddiq wasn’t going to move. “Please. Oh please fuck me. Dont make me beg you.” Siddiq kissed him to quiet him. He let himself slip out then shallowly fucked the hole beneath him.

Dante seemed distraught. It wasn’t enough. He began to wiggle, his legs wrapped around Siddiqs waist as he tried to speed the man up himself. When he did, Siddiq stopped and Dante let out a frustrated groan.  
“Mean.” Siddiq grinned.  
“I like the look on your face.” siddiq laughed. “I kind of want to keep it.”  
“Too mean.” Dante complained, biting his lip in an incredibly sexy way.  
“You're too sexy.” Siddiq answered, kissing him yet again, his own arousal getting the better of him, the heat too welcoming, Siddiq let his hips move of their own volition. Building from a shallow, languid thrusting to deep, long strokes that seemed to do the most for Dante. 

“Dont stop. Fuck. Please don't stop again. Dont stop. Dont! Oh!” The man came with a howl and Siddiq couldn’t stop his body from slamming from tip to hilt until his own orgasm blinded his mind. He barely felt it. It was as though he was transported to another realm, his skin releasing his bones, his body left behind. He was within the other man, within the heat of him. He was his seed, travelling into the others guts.

He came back a few minutes later, resting on top of Dantes wide chest. He sighed heavily.  
“Dante.” Siddiq mumbled. He was exhausted now. He slotted himself against the man and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. He didn't sleep long. He woke to nature's call and returned to see that Dante was laying on his back. His cock standing at attention, the head almost purple with desire. Siddiq stared at him for a long time, mostly at the girthy offering. He wanted to sit on it. To ride Dante to completion. It was a strange desire that he never had before. He found that he couldn’t deny it. He walked over to the slumbering man and wrapped his hand around the member. It was huge, filling Siddiqs palm nicely. 

He thought maybe he’d just jerk them both off but it wasn't enough.  
“Are you awake? Dante?” Siddiq found the tube of lube on the floor and carefully, gently stretched himself out. He felt a little disgusted with himself. Was this rape? Was he a monster? It was all he wanted to do. He should wake up the other man but… he wanted him to stay asleep. To not know… for some reason he needed it. 

Somewhere at the back of his mind he knew that it had nothing to do with Dante and everything to do with Jasin and the whisperer but he didn’t let that thought come to his present mind, though it tried desperately.

Instead he stretched himself out, moaning a little when he did. He hated the sounds he made, little womanly noises. He wished he was more masculine. He recalled the way that it had felt to make Dante squirm and quickly, the self hate vanished.

He straddled the man once he was ready and carefully let the cock breech him. It was a sensation he’d only felt in pain before. It was different, well lubed and with someone he wanted. The man let out a little moan and Siddiq paused, staring wide eyed at the other.  
“Dante?” No response. 

His primal urges got the better of him and Siddiq decided, if the other woke, he’d deal with the consequences, if he didn’t, Siddiq would tell him what he did. 

Painstakingly, he let the cock fill him up. He was definitely bigger than the other two. Siddiq felt the last two inches just outside of his body and let himself fall down to swallow them. He whimpered, a little pain, but mostly from the sharp pleasure that followed. Slowly he pulled himself back up and groaned as he took it down again.  
He kept a gentle pace, letting his body adjust to the way it felt. Something he’d never really experienced. There was something treacherously delicious inside of him that the cock drug along that sent vibrations of toe curling insanity through-out his skin. He tossed his head back with a surprisingly loud moan, his pace speeding up, needing that grinding pleasure like a tree needs the sun.

He felt hands on his hips and jerked in surprise. He looked down to find his victim wide awake, smirking. He immediately tripped over himself apologising, trying to climb off only to be held hilt deep.  
“Fuck. Dante. I… Mm.” Dante jostled him a bit and Siddiq covered his mouth to keep his sounds at bay.  
“Don't do that.” Dante took his hand. Embarrassment flushed through him.

“I sound so stupid.” Siddiq answered, feeling ridiculous the moment the words left his mouth.  
Dante laughed. He tried to leave but Dante caught him once more. He never held on to him so hard that Siddiq felt trapped, but rather, inclined to stay. To stay and feel everything that was going on.

“Are you just going to sit there and tease me? You know…” Dante tilted his head. “I never pegged you as a tease.”

“Im not a tease.” Dante snorted.

“Oh yes you are, Mr. slow thrust. Should I tease you the same way?” Suddenly Siddiqs world spun and he was laying on his back, his legs spread and pinned open. Siddiq felt a stab of panic at the new angle.  
“Wait- Dante-” Dante thrust once and his eyes rolled up in his head. Panic and lust conquered his mind. Dante grinned at him, slowly easing himself out then back in, hovering inside of him. Siddiq moaned a little and that seemed to spirit the man onward. He laid atop him and began to thrust in earnest. 

Siddiq tried to quell the panic, to focus on the moment. He tipped his nose into Dantes hair and breathed deeply, trying to center himself with the mans scent.

It had the opposite effect.

In a second he was fully transported back to that night, pinned on his back, legs spread. The splintery boards digging into his back.  
The monster moved inside of him, the world shattering pain and humiliation filled his lungs and came out as a broken shriek. The man didn’t stop, he moaned, body moving quicker, as though fueled by his distress. 

Siddiq shook his head, trying to find reality again, he pushed on the others shoulders. He needed him to stop, to see that he wasn’t ok. He couldn’t breathe. He was suffocating!  
“Stop!” Dante sat up, and Siddiq pushed himself away, landing hard on the floor. He looked up, needing to see Dante, wanting to see Dante, but the mask was still there and the black eyes behind it… Siddiq pushed himself away from him. He couldn’t escape teh smell, it was too strong and he didnt understand it. He felt his back hit the wall behind him and it centered him again in the moment. Dante was looking at him, his face painted with a strange expression...something… predatory.  
“Im sorry.” He said gently. “Are you...okay?” That predatory look was still painted on Dantes face. 

Siddiq swallowed, letting his eyes take in the full extent of the man before him. Siddiq felt like he was seeing Dante for the first time. He crawled down off the bed and sat nearby. Siddiq pulled his knees to himself, feeling his nudity, the wall behind him. He felt trapped, dangerously so.  
“No. I-Im not. I… I need to go.” He scurried around the man and grabbed his clothes from where they’d been discarded. Dante didn’t try to stop him, simply watching him go with those dark eyes. Siddiq clothed himself out in the hall and jogged out the door. 

He went blindly for home, he felt himself bump into someone but didn’t even hesitate long enough to apologize. Once he got inside he slammed his door shut and locked it. He laid aainst it, his breath coming in sharp, painful gasps that he couldn’t control. He tried to pull himself out of the darkness but he couldn’t escape the pressing memories. He stumbled back to his feet and ran towards the shower, ripping his clothes off as he did. He was buried in that stench, it surrounded him and choked his lungs. 

He slipped and stepped into the tub. He turned the water on, hot. It came out ice cold, stealing his breath before it warmed to much too much to bear. He shut his eyes and tried to consume himself with the sensation.

When the water had gone cold, as it seemed to be doing more and more often, Siddiq stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. His mind was racing. Why did Dantes scent send him spiralling? Why did the idea of him on top make Siddiq so fucking nuts? Was it just PTSD or something more? Or was he just... paranoid? He glanced out his window adn saw Dante leaving the infirmary, heading for the front gate. 

Giving in to his paranoia, he pulled on his pants and walked outside. He saw Dante ducking out the front gate and followed him out.


	7. Fulfillment pt 2

Dante

Damn it!

Dante knew the moment that he flipped Siddiq onto his back that he’d crossed a line, but it was so delicious to have Siddiq in that possition again… He couldn’t stop himself. When he cried out, he knew he should have let him go but his primal side had taken over. Even once he’d run away, it was still there, demanding that Dante simply grab hold of the man an rip him open, fuck him until he couldn’t move. Bind him to the bed and keep him there. The image was palpable, the young man bound, gagged, stretched open, whimpering and desperate and terrified.

He looked like a trapped animal and the expression only intensified when Dante crawled off the bed and sat near him, his body blocking the only exit. Siddiqs eyes gave him a quick once over. Dante apologised but he could feel it, the monster inside of him, present on his lips, in his body language. He shifted so that there was room for Siddiq to run. When he got up to do so, Dante had to fight to keep himself from grabbing him.

It was all he wanted. Even once the man was gone he had to struggle to keep his darkness in check. He couldn’t do this for much longer and he knew it. He took slow, meaningful breathes and palmed his cock. He could still feel Siddiqs warmth on it. He shut his eyes and squeezed, remembering the scents and sounds and the way it had felt to have him at his mercy again. He licked his lips and moaned. He could still smell the terror in the air. 

That was enough to push him over the edge but it wasn't as fulfilling as it could have been. With a heavy sigh he stood up and walked to the bathroom. He showered off and sighed. A part of him was concerned that Siddiq had finally put it together but… he doubted it. He looked panicked and lost. If he had recognized him, it would have been obvious. He could have tried to hide it but it would have been obvious, the recognition and hate would have been too much for him to conceal.

Dante weighed his options. He was expecting a message from Alpha, he could go into the woods to see it it had arrived or he could track down Siddiq and make sure he was ok. Although… pushing him now could do the opposite effect of what he wanted to happen. Giving him space was probably better, wasn’t it? As a doctor he needed to check in on his patients… He decided that was probably the best option, so once dressed, thats what he did. Rosita was resting comfortably, eyes shut, breathing regularly. Gabriel was stretched out on one of the other beds, slumbering peacefully. The baby was awake, her eyes curiously gazing around the room. Dante smiled and wiggled his finger at her. Her face knotted up and she began to cry, waking her mother immediately.  
“Waht are you doing?!” She demanded. Dante looked up.  
“I dont know why babies always hate me.” Dante said off handedly. He scooped the child up, much to Rositas dismay, her hands knotting into fists as she shifted dorward on the bed. He bounced the child gently and shushed her, bringing her over to her mother, he folded the baby into Rositas arms.  
“Quite a set of lungs on her, isn’t there?” Rosita glared at him.  
“Where is Siddiq? I’d rather have him here.”  
“Home, I assume.”  
“Go get him.”  
“I dont think thats the best idea.” He answered.  
“Why not?!”  
“Its private.”

Rosita narrowed her eyes, expression suspicious but she didn’t push the issue. Dante smirked at her and she made a face.  
“There is something really wrong with you.” She said; “Thats why babies hate you.”   
He answered with a sigh, laying his hand on the infants head, much to both baby and mothers dismay. Rosita pulled the child away from him, staring at him with wary eyes. Dante lifted his eyes to hers and stared back at her, a smile creeping onto his face.   
“I have to be leaving now. Shall I put the baby back for you?”  
“No.” Rosita snapped. Dante nodded and walked away from them, feeling knives digging into his back as he did.

He walked to the gate and nodded to the guard, who opened it without qhestioning him. He slipped into the woods and let the calming silence envelope him. There was something very relaxing about the way the world changed outside the gate. It put him at ease. He belonged there. He walked due north for about a mile then dipped east, about forty feet inside there was a dead tree, not far up there was a small hole, which his handslipped into easily.He felt the metal cotainer and wrapped his fingers around it. With little convincing it pulled free of its hiding place.

He opened it and found the note carefully dictated. It was in code but he understood it to mean that the next phase needed to begin. Dante would weaken them by taking away their water. That would be easier than anything else that he’d done. He could feel eyes on him. Alpha likely had at least one of her followers watching him from the trees. He turned, intending to sit on the ground but stopped dead when he discovered Siddiq watching him.

“Siddiq.”  
“What are you doing?”

“Exploring the wilderness, what are you doing?”   
“What is that?”  
“What is what?”  
“That paper.”   
Dante held it up and said: “Bad poetry, allow me to serenade you,” He began to read it aloud.“From tears to blood, and wandering lungs drown, we do in nights bled, our hearts beat thrice for you.”   
Siddiq knit his brow then snatched it out of his hand, reading it to himself, his lips moving along with it.

“You knew it was in there.”  
“No, I didn’t.”   
“Yes, you did! You walked right up to it and reached inside liek you knew something was going to be there! Like you’ve done it a thousand times! Tell me the truth!”   
“Im telling you the truth-” Dante was surprised when Siddiq smacked him across the face, so hard his ears rang. “Siddiq-”  
“No! Who the fucka re you!” Siddiq shoved him and Dante frowned. It was too soon, he couldn’t be discovered yet. He’d have to kill Siddiq… He didn’t want to, but if he couldn’t convince him then…. Siddiq swung at him, punching him hard enough that Dante saw lights.  
“Siddiq, please-” He swung again, wildly, Dante was able to dodge his fist, but he quickly followed it with a kick to the groin, which put Dante on his knees. Then siddiq was on top of him, hitting him and Dante tried to sheild his face. Slowly theattacks softened and Siddiq broke down.  
“Siddiq.” Dante tentatively uncovered his face and gazed up at him. The man had his face covered, he shook his head.  
“Every time I smell you… I… I go back there.”  
“Back… where?”  
“To the barn. I smell you and I go back. Why does that happen, Dante?”  
“I dont… Im sorry Siddiq, I cant answer that because I dont know. I must… I must smell like him. I dont know why.”  
“It doesnt make sense! You must be him… you… you must be! Your the same size and shape and… you smell like him and… you… I dont know. I dont know!”  
“I dont know either, Siddiq. I just know that I’d never be able to hurt you like that. Never.”  
“But you.. You did.”  
“I wasnt… I wasn’t trying to. I moved too fast. I got caught up in the moment.”

Siddiq’s face was unsure, he worried his lip between his teeth. Dante held his tongue for a long time. Siddiqs shoulders went slack and he shut his eyes, rolling off of Dante. He propped his head up on his knees and took a slow, deep breath. Dante sat up slowly, purposefully.   
“Im brokem, arent I?”   
“What? No! Your not broken, just a little bent.”  
“Dante, Im… sorry.”  
“For what?”  
“For… for… accusing you and beating you and… I feel like I pretty much raped you.”

“Oh. Well I gotta say you’ve got a hell of a hook on you but no hard feelings, alright?” Siddiq looked at him with those big, soulful brown eyes and DAnte had to surpress the urge to kiss him. To his delight the man leaned forward and did just that. He crawled back on top of him, pushing Dante to his back, kissing him passionately as he shifted out of his pants and helped Dante out of his.  
“Wait, what about walkers?”  
“Dont care.” He answered, rather aggressively kissing him again. Dante was having trouble keeping up with the mans mood swings but his cock didn’t seem to mind at all.  
He felt victorious and let the man sink down on top of him. Dante groaned, he moved to slip his hand p Siddiqs shirt but the man caught him and pinned his hand to the ground.

Dante grunted a little at that but there was a real part of him that liked being held down. He’d never been ridden and pinned but he liked it. 

“Thats so good. Fuck-”  
“Shhh.” Siddiq put his hand over his mouth and Dantes eyes rolled. The others body slipped excitedly up and down his rod and he bit his lip, letting out soft, subtle sounds as he did. Siddiqs fingers slipped between his teeth and Dante bit down reflexively. Siddiqs hole clenched and twitched around his cock, squeezing him. Dante groaned trying desperately not to take control. He knew if he let him do this then he wouldn’t have to end him. 

Siddiq thrust his fingers languidly down his throat, squeezing his wrist hard enough to bruise. Dante didn’t mind. He was close. He couldn’t stop his hips from rising to meet Siddiqs falling body. Dante wanted despertly to wrap his hand around the other mans cock, he wanted to feel more. He could only moan the word: ‘More.’ It was too much, his cock spurted before he could warn the other man but Siddiq didn’t seem to mind, nor did he stop.  
Dante didn’t mind, at first, but soon the warm sweetness of the others body started to send splinters of pain through his body.  
“Siddiq.” Dante moaned. He knew his body would adapt but then he’d need more and more and more and they didn’t have time. The mans finger nails scraped the inside of his mouth and Dante grunted with discomfort. Siddiq didn’t seem to hear him, lost in ecstasy. He came a few seconds later, letting out a series of increasingly desperate noises. He stilled and slowly settled, carefully sliding off of the other man. He leaned back against the tree and studied Dante for a long time.

“I don’t understand this.” Dante shifted to his side, feeling for the first time the extent of his injured body, a rock digging into his back, now his hip. He smiled.  
“What’s to understand? I make you irrationally horny for some reason. I’d say it’s my devilish wit and charm.” 

“I’ve never… I've never wanted a man before.” Siddiq admitted. “And I want you all the time.” He shook his head. “It doesn’t make sense.”  
“Sure it does. You've finally met your match, someone who gets you, and being understood is a truly powerful aphrodisiac. Thats all.” 

Siddiq considered that, studying him with those deep eyes.  
“You’re so fucking gorgeous.” the words left Dantes mouth before he could catch them.  
“So… are you gay or…?”  
“I don’t like labels. If you strike my fancy then I’m interested. If not, then I’m just not. My dick doesn't seem to care about gender, but I have noticed a trend when it comes to skin tone. I have never found a white person attractive, not even once.”

Siddiq smiled at that, glancing over at him with the slightest flush creeping into his skin.  
“So I strike your fancy cuz I’m brown?”  
“Dont sell yourself short! Youve got a great ass!”

Siddiq snorted.  
“Yeah, I know that.”  
“Uh-oh, I better stop complimenting you before your head gets big again.” Dante hoped he heard the double entendre in his voice but he didn’t seem to catch it. “Or maybe thats what I want.” Siddiq shook his head and rolled his eyes. “You’re a lot more than just attractive and I think you know that I wouldn’t be attracted to you if it was all just skin deep. Siddiq. I. I love you.”

Siddiq blinked at him for a long time then looked down at his hands. He opened his mouth and shut it again.   
“Ok.” he finally said and Dante couldn’t stop himself from laughing aloud.  
“You dot have to say it back but damn, Ok? Ok.”   
“No… its… just… I didn’t know what else to say.”  
“I get it.”

They sat silently for a while then Dantes ears pricked and he glanced around.  
“Did you hear that?”  
“Walkers.”   
“Yep.”   
“Let's go.” Siddiq stood and offered his hand to Dante. They walked back to Alexandria without breaking the bond. Dante knew that one day this would end and he’d have to kill the man he’d fallen in love with but maybe that was just how his life had to be.

Afterall, he’d killed his wife and son too, hadn’t he? And so many others before them, before the dead walked.

They didn’t talk on the walk back, instead they enjoyed the quiet together. Dante wondered what he was thinking about but not enough to break the pleasant spell they were under.


End file.
